#my boss: emails me at 3:10 on a friday to ask me when i’m coming back to work

[a-star-that-fell]

why is my life an endless nightmare

[lo-vearchive]

Forgive Me (Pt. 2)

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x female reader

Summary: After reconciling in your bedroom, Miguel disappears on you for a week. Giving up on any hopes of romance, your friends plan a night out for you to cheer up. Too bad your boss makes an appearance and catches you with an attractive stranger on a stormy night. Read Part One: here

Word Count: 4463 words

Content: Miguel being a rude bastard, Miguel asking for forgiveness (again), arguments, possessiveness, alcohol consumption, tobacco consumption, 18+ (minors DNI), no p in v but things get spicy at the end, female fingering, finger sucking, misogyny, insecurity, swearing, hurt and comfort, office sex (no p in v), questionable Spanish

Note: ANGST! Got carried away once again. Lowkey not proofread. I love angst and Miguel being vulnerable.  If you are into angst, you will enjoy this. Feel free to correct my Spanish and ask for any other cw to be added. Thank you for the 1K+ notes on Pt. 1. Have fun, horndogs ;)

It has been seven days since you last saw Miguel O’Hara.

After spending a full 48 hours by your side, he had gone back to work. You decided to join him at Alchemax the next day but found his office empty. At first, you thought he was occupied with Spider-Man business, so you kept yourself busy with answering his overflowing email box. Slowly the sun set behind the skyline of Nueva York and the messages ran out, leaving behind a feeling of uneasiness in your stomach.

 You [sent Friday, 6 pm]: Hey, are you coming to work today?

You [sent Friday, 10 pm]: I’m going home for the night. Call me when you are home. I miss you :)

You [sent Saturday, 5 am]: Are you okay?

You [sent Saturday, 1 pm]: I’m getting really worried. Where are you?

You [sent Saturday, 5 pm]: I emailed you in case you lost your phone. Call me asap.

You [sent Sunday, 7 pm]: I’ll see you at work tomorrow.

You [sent Monday, 9 am]: Lyla said you’re okay but won’t tell me what’s going on. Says I don’t have clearance. Please call me.

You [sent Monday 10 am]: Are you actually ignoring me?

You [sent Tuesday, 1 am]: My best friend you’re an asshole and I should never let you near my pussy ever again.

You [sent Tuesday 1:23 am] Are you ghosting me? You know we work together, right?

You [sent Tuesday, 3:30 am]: I hate you Miguel O’Hara.

 Friday rolled around and your best friend had enough of your drunk late-night facetime calls. She gathered a group of your high school girlfriends and decided a night out in the town would be the perfect remedy. “Fuck him, babe,” Katy states, sliding a shot glass across the table. “You should report him to HR for being an ass.”

You laughed and tipped the glass into your mouth. The tequila burnt its way down your throat. “I’m just going to find a new job. I can’t be dealing with this shit right now.”

Your friend Soo let out a burp. “Did you let him hit it?”

You shake your head. “No,” you cough. “We came close to it, like above the pants stuff— do you think that’s why he’s ignoring me? Because I didn’t put out right away?”

“Bitch,” Katy chides, slapping the tabletop, “be fucking for real. You look like a busty, hot secretary from some comic book. He should be lucky you let him touch your tits!”

Your friends nodded along in agreement. Katy grabs the sides of your chair and spins it around, facing you to the restaurant bar. “You see that guy there?” she points at a man with messy blond hair in an open-collar white shirt. “He’s been eyeing you all night. Go talk to him right now.”

The tequila must have heightened your bravery as you found yourself walking across the dimly lit restaurant and to the wall. Stealing a glance at him from the corner of your eye, you ask the bartender for, “a rum and coke please.”

“You can add her drink to my tab,” the man says just like you hoped he would. “I hope you don’t mind. I saw your friends fussing over you earlier and you looked like you needed a drink.”

“Is it that obvious?” You ask, letting out a laugh. “You’re right, I do need a little pick-me-upper tonight.”

“My name is John,” he says.

You introduced yourself and slide in the empty seat next to him. “So, what’s going on with you?” he questions, sipping his beer.

You carefully lift your drink from the bar top and circled the rim with your index finger. “I’m not sure if I wanna’ trauma dump on a stranger.”

“Sometimes talking to strangers helps.”

You contemplate his words and sigh. Your friends would kick you if you said the name Miguel O’Hara again in their general vicinity. You chose to divulge a little to the mystery man. “Things got a bit complicated with someone I really cared about. Everything was going well and then he disappeared suddenly, and I don’t know why.”

John listens to you carefully, nodding to himself. “You know what I do when I’m confused?”

“What?”

“I take a smoke break to chill out,” he answers, standing up. “Care to join me?”

You downed the contents of your glass and follow him out a door that open to a back alley behind the restaurant. Rain pours down heavily, and you both huddle under a dingy metal shed. The cold air bites your arms sharply as John lights the end of his cigarette and brings it to his mouth. “It can be frustrating when you’re left without answers but a girl like you has nothing to worry about.”

You smile at his words. You take the cigarette off his hand and take a drag. The smoke fills your lungs, making your head spin a little. The light-headedness reminds you of how you felt last time when Miguel was in your arms. Airy, free, and light. No matter what you do, all your thoughts lead back to him. You shake away the memories and pass the cigarette back to John.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” a stern voice asks.

A man melts out of the shadows in the alley and into the light shining from a streetlamp above. You recognize him. “Miguel?”

He doesn’t look at you and keeps his eyes focused on John. “Who is he?” he asks with a deep frown.

“Listen, I’m off work right now,” you clear your throat, sticking your nose up in the air. “I don’t have to explain—”

“Look, man,” John interrupts, “no need to get all worked about this. We are just talking.”

Miguel lets out a harsh laugh. “Yeah, right,” he spits and gets in his face. “You could have done that at the bar. Why the fuck are you out here alone with her? What were you planning on doing?”

“Mr. O’Hara!” you exclaim, stepping in between them. “You are out of line!”

He raises his eyebrows at your formality but keeps his attention on John over your shoulder.  “Buddy,” John says, wrapping an arm around your waist and moving you to the side. “She is allowed to talk to whoever she wants. I suggest you leave us alone now.”

The touch doesn’t go unnoticed by Miguel. His nostrils flare and his eyes turned red with anger. He steps closer to John until he is looming over the poor man. You often forget how big your boss is compared to everyone around him. The scene looks almost comical with how John tries to puff out his chest. “Te calmas o te calmo,” (Calm yourself, or I’ll calm you down) Miguel snarls.

Whatever John sees in his face is enough to make him reconsider. He holds his hands up in surrender and backs away slowly. Stopping in front of you he pushes the half-burnt cigarette into your hand and whispers, “If this is the guy you were talking about, then maybe it’s a good thing he disappears. I’ll be inside if you still want to talk.”

He walks away from the alley and into the restaurant, leaving you with Miguel alone in the alley. You watch in silence as his body trembles, and you can’t tell if it’s from anger or the rain hammering away at his back.

He breaks the silence. “So, you’re letting strangers into our private business?”

You snort loudly. “You don’t get to speak to me like that,” you tell him, taking another drag. “Especially after disappearing on me. You can’t just strut back into my life and tell me who I can confide in.”

“I was tending to some urgent matters,” he says, brushing his wet hair away from his forehead. “So I took the time to handle them. I can’t be around you every second of the day acting as your lap dog.”

The heat from the cigarette burns your skin. “What the hell is wrong with you?” you raise your voice, throwing your hands in the air. “You’re acting like I want you on a leash! I just wanted to know you were okay.”

“Clearly I’m okay,” he replies, rolling his eyes.

Your lips tug into a deep scowl at his tone. “Did you ever stop to consider how your actions affected me? How lost and confused I felt waiting by the phone every day?”

“It wasn’t intentional,” Miguel matches your tone. “You know I am a busy man, and that I have responsibilities. But you’d rather live in some fantasy land where I’m just some monster out to hurt you! You can’t begin to understand the weight I carry on my shoulders.”

Anger surges through your body. “How am I supposed to understand when you don’t tell me anything? Hell, your AI knows more about you than I do. It’s like you only care about missions or work and nothing else—”

“Sometimes in life, personal matters have to take a backseat,” he cuts you off, harshly. “Not everyone can put on a short skirt and high heels, waltz into work, type a few memos and then call it a night.”

“You misogynist fuck!” You scream back at him, resisting the urge to slap him silly. “I hate you!”

“I hate you too!” he yells back in your face with bloodshot eyes.

You spin on your heels and begin walking towards the main road. Rage begins to bubble inside you and reaches your throat. You turn around just as you reach the sidewalk and call out, “You know what? It doesn’t matter if you disappear again because I have hated you since the moment I met you. I hated you when everyone at work warned me about you. I hated you all those times you dismissed me like an afterthought. And I hated you when you came to my room that night begging for a second chance. So, I don’t care if you hate me, or think I’m useless or unimportant cause have hated you longer and harder and for better fucking reasons!”

You take another drag from the cigarette and then crush it underneath your pretty high heels. You make a right at the end of the alley and begin walking up the street. Warm tears spill down your face as you shiver in the rain. Katy was right, he was an asshole. An asshole that made you feel dumb for having a normal job or human emotions. But maybe you were just an idiot for falling in love with a man who didn’t respect you. Love wasn’t supposed to be this hard, but here you were feeling small and crying at the side of the road.

The sound of screeching tires brings you out of your self-pity. A sleek black car pulls up on the other side of the road and the passenger window rolls down. Miguel’s face emerges from behind the glass. “Ven aquí!” (come here) he calls out.

You ignore him and keep walking ahead. You have no idea where you are going, but you would rather eat rocks than speak to him.

From the corner of your eyes, you see Miguel make a sharp left, almost hitting oncoming traffic and pulling up beside you. “Get in the car!”

Your feet don’t stop moving so he slowly inches his car to match your speed. “Estoy harto. (I’m sick of this) Let’s talk!”

Honks and yells filled the night as people grew frustrated with his speed. “Stop,” you hiss, bending down to the window. “You are embarrassing me!”

“Get in the car then,” he says, with a clenched jaw. “You’re gonna’ catch a cold in the rain.”

“Stop pretending like you care,” you snarl, kicking the side of his car.

“A-YO LADY!” a man yells out of his yellow cab. “Get in the damn car! Your boyfriend is holding up traffic!”

A pleased smirk spread across Miguel’s face at the man’s remarks. You let out a frustrated grunt and yanked the door open, slipping into the passenger seat. “Put your seatbelt on,” he says, picking up speed.

You begrudgingly obey but wished that his car would get rear-ended so hard that his fat head would go through the windshield. “You look like you want me dead, babe,” he commented with a nervous laugh.

“Don’t call me that,” you snap, adjusting the belt over your soaking dress. “Where are we going?”

“Back to Alchemax,” he points at the GPS screen. “The freeway flooded, and it will be a while until it clears up. I have a spare set of clothes I keep in the office for overnighters. You can change while we wait for the storm to blow over.”

“I don’t want your charity,” you grumble, crossing my hand over my chest.

“I know,” he says. “I just want to take care of you.”

You disliked how your stomach felt at his words. “I left my bag behind at the restaurant.”

“I picked it up, it’s in the back seat.”

“I didn’t pay my tab.”

“It’s taken care of. Your friends know you’re fine, too. Just relax.”

Miguel leans over to turn your seat warmer on and warmth spreads across your chest and down your limbs. He drives in silence with only the soft white noise of radio static playing in the background. Occasionally you tear your gaze away from the furiously working windshield wipers and steal glances at his face. The headlights from other cars make the slopes of his cheek and the plumpness of his lips visible even on a stormy night. His warm complexion has turned pale, and you ponder if it was because of your interaction earlier.

You both pull up into the Alchemax parking lot and get out of the car. The security team must be watching through the cameras, wondering why one of their lead engineers was coming into work late at night with his drenched secretary. You quickly follow him into the elevator and up to the floor with his office. He opens the office door, and you slide inside into the dark space.

“Lyla,” he calls out and the room illuminates on command. “Lights.”

Miguel walks up to a storage cupboard and retrieves a towel in one hand and fresh clothes in the other. He passes them to you, and you quietly enter the adjacent washroom to change. You peel your damp dress off your skin and shiver as the chilly air hits you all over. Rubbing the towel quickly over your cold skin, you slip into an oversized t-shirt and shorts. It takes two knots of the drawstring, but you manage to keep the waistband tied around your naval.

You find Miguel waiting for you outside. He had changed into a shirt that hugged his slender waist and pants that hung dangerously low under his taut stomach. He pulls the towel out of your hand and drapes it over your head. His hands gently rub the threads against your wet hair in soft, circular motions. You lean into his touch involuntarily. “I can do it myself,” you complain but made no move to reach for the fabric.

“I know,” he replies. “I want to do it for you.”

“Please don’t.”

“Hmm?”

“You’re doing that thing again,” you said, “and it’s messing with my head.”

“What thing?”

“The thing where you start acting kind after being mean,” you explain in a small voice. “I don’t like it. It’s confusing”

He tugs the towel back so you can look into each other’s eyes. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” he speaks, gently. “I just lost my shit when I saw you with him.”

“You cut off all contact when all I wanted was to know if you were okay,” your voice shakes as you stare at your feet. “You left me all alone, what was I supposed to do? Wait for you to change your mind?”

“I know I messed up, baby. I was wrong” he sighs, inching down his forehead to meet yours. “I should have communicated with you, but sometimes on missions, things get complicated. I don’t always like the things I have to do, and recently I’m having a difficult time making peace with it. It’s like the harder I try to do the right thing, the more damage I do. So sometimes, it’s just better to be alone rather than pretend I’m okay around other people.”

His words hurt your heart. You knew that his missions take a toll on him. In the past whenever you tried to inquire about its contents he wouldn’t answer. You wouldn’t push, afraid that he’d pull away, but it seems that he was pulling away regardless.

“When you’re gone,” you clear your throat, trying to speak through your narrowing trachea, “I worry that you might be laying dead in some universe, and I’d be none the wiser. I know that being Spider-Man is a sacrifice, but I don’t care about the world. I only care about you. So, when you treat me this way, it’s like I can’t breathe.”

He cups your face and places a soft kiss right on your cheekbone “Forgive me.”

“You say that a lot,” you remind him with a frown.

“I know,” he nods, “and I still mean it. I’m just an idiot who doesn’t know how to find the balance in life. I love that you care about me, and I want you to continue caring about me.”

“I don’t know, Mr. O’Hara,” you said. “I can’t ignore the way you speak to me at times. It feels as if you think we’re not equals. I am not some idiot. I am not beneath you just because I work under you.”

He groaned at the sound of his last name. Every time you called him that, it made the space between feel bigger. “I have seen a million universes, nena, (babe) and you are not beneath me in any of them,” he curls a damp strand behind your ear, “Unless we are in bed, then you’re definitely under me.”

“Miguel!” you chide, punching him in the stomach. “No es broma! (It’s not a joke) I’m being serious!”

He lets out an oof and backs away. His fangs poke out from underneath his curled lips and in that moment, he looks as carefree. He wraps his large hands around your arms and holds your attention. “I know broken trust isn’t easily mendable, but I’m going to try my hardest. I won’t leave you out in the dark or make you feel small. I’ll think twice before I open my stupid mouth. I’ll even ask Lyla to give you full access to my missions. Wh-when you see what I have to do- what I must do, please don’t hate me.”

“Miggy,” you pout, reaching for his face. “I was really, really angry when I said those things to you. I can never hate you. My heart won’t let me.”

His toothy grin appears again, and Miguel draws you into him. His smooth lips find yours and he cranes your head back to find the angle that leaves you breathless. You run the pads of your thumb gently across the slopes of his cheeks. It never ceased to surprise you that his skin was so soft under his stubble. Without breaking your kiss, your shuffle back and walk him to his desk chair. You smile into his lips as he shakes his head when you move him back and down to sit. His hands wrap around your wrists. “D-don’t leave,” he cries out.

You shake your head and take a seat on his lap with your legs dangling off the side. Miguel’s hands find your jaw and he turns your mouth to his. You wrap your fingers in his hair and tug him closer. You let out a content hum as his fangs softly dig into your lips, breaking the skin. The taste of metal fills your mouth, and you pull away to look at him. He sits in your embrace, with red-stained lips and is just as breathless. “Sorry,” he sheepishly says. “I usually have them under control. It’s just you’re in my office and in my clothes. It’s making my head spin a little.”

You laugh at his words and gently pull his hair back. Pressing a wet kiss to his exposed throat you ask, “Miggy, how come we haven’t had sex yet?”

“Honestly?” he lets out a choked moan.

“Honestly,” you hum, licking his jaw.

His hands suddenly grab you by the elbows and spin you around on his lap, so his chest is facing your back. His warm breath hits the nape of your neck. A shiver runs down your spine. “I haven’t fucked you yet because once I’m inside you,” he whispers into your ear, “I’ll never want to be anywhere else. I wouldn’t want to eat, sleep, work, or be Spider-Man. I think I’ll just want to stay buried in you all the time.”

“Miguel,” you moan, clutching your thighs together.

“Tsk-tsk,” he clicks his tongue. “Don’t hide from me.”

His large hand slips between your thighs and pushes your legs apart. He turns the chair around until you’re both facing his work desk. “Up,” he commands, slapping the side of your thighs.

You gingerly obey and place your bare feet on the edge of his desk. His hands slip under your shirt, and he fumbles with the knot. Impatient with the knots, he uses a sharp claw to cut through the drawstring. Your breath hitches as he pushes the loose shorts down your legs and off your feet. He wraps his fingers behind your knees and draws your legs apart. He puts his chin over your shoulder and bunches your shirt up to get a good look at your pink underwear. “Baby,” he coos. “You gotta’ let me have this once we are done. A little souvenir for when I’m away.”

Your stomach tightens at his suggestion. You glance at him and then the office door,. “Someone will see us,” you nervously gulp.

“You let me worry about that,” he says and presses a kiss to the side of your forehead, “and just relax. I’m not gonna’ let anyone else see my girl spread out like this.”

He runs his knuckles down your bare stomach and across the clothed cunt. Electricity shoots up your body and you almost curl up in his arms. Miguel’s fingertips find a quickly dampening spot on the fabric. “Huh,” he huffs. “Is this me or rainwater?”

You cry, arching into his touch.

“I guess it’s just me,” he grins against your shoulder.

He slides your underwear off your legs and tosses it on the table. It lands on a pile of paperwork you had put aside from him earlier in the week. Miguel stops breathing at the sight of your glistening, swollen pussy. A loud moan escapes your throat as his fingers part your folds and glide back and forth. You were sure that the security guards patrolling this floor would have heard you down the hallway. You almost miss his question over the sensations of pleasure spreading through your body.

“Do you want my finger inside you?”

You nod against his cheek and reach behind to clutch a fistful of his hair to brace for impact. He lowers his down until his thick, middle digit is nudging your opening. You must have been soaking his thighs with how easily his digit sinks inside. You bit your lip harshly to contain the sounds threatening to escape your mouth. It’s your turn to hold your breath when Miguel’s other hand begins to stroke your clit. Once, twice, thrice.

When he speaks, his voice is hoarse. “You clench around my finger every time I flick your clit.”

Not that you needed proof, but Miguel does it again and you shake with pleasure. “See?” he gasps, and captures your lips in a sloppy kiss.

He he pulls back to hold your eyes and you breathe his shaky breaths in. You close your eyes and imagine how it would look to hold his hard cock in your hands while he played with your pussy. He tears you away from your fantasy by hooking his fingers inside on an angle. You almost arch completely off his lap. He moves his free hand away from your clit and presses you back into him. His hard bulge pressed into your ass.

“Here?” Miguel moans and licks your lips. “Tell me where? Right here? Ah, here.”

His fingers find that spot again and he massages his fingers against it. You nod furiously and my hands move to claw forearms. He softly bites your shoulder in retaliation and his free hand resumes working against your clit, picking up rhythm. “Can I put another finger inside?” he asks, breathing hard. “I promise it will feel good.”

“Oh-kay,” you gasp, rocking your hips on his hand.

His index finger slithers into your pussy, and you forget how to speak. You begin to twist and turn in his lap. He pulls away from your clit to press down hard against your stomach so he can keep you in place. You slide your ass over his crotch with every movement of his fingers.

“Mig-Mig-Mig,” you pant, moving your hips to his set rhythm.

“Good? I bet that feels so good.”

“Gah—”

He presses soft kisses onto your cheek as you sink into his arms. You begin to tighten further around him. You realize that this is exactly how you always want to be—full of Miguel’s fingers, touch, and love. His tongue slips into your mouth as his fingers begin curling into you faster. Your moans and groans echo through the office. His left hand leaves your stomach and reaches for your clit again. It takes seven swipes, one for each day he left you alone, for you to seize around his finger. His mouth never leaves yours as he drinks all of your pleasurable cries.

Slowly, the current leaves your body and you’re able to take in your surround. Your cheeks burn with realization. Miguel had just fingered you open on his desk at your workplace. The very same desk you set up for him every morning. Your fingers slide up to his hair and you hide your face in the crook of his neck. “Don’t be shy now,” he chuckles, “One day I’ll fuck you all over this office, nena.”

You shriek and lightly slap his arm. Miguel gently slides his fingers out of your cunt, eliciting a soft groan, and brings his to his mouth.

He hums with eyes closed at the taste. “You taste so good,” he mumbles around his fingers.

“Ugh,” Lyla gags at a distance. “Be glad I activated noise cancellation.”

A/N: Thoughts?

[edaworks]

People regularly ask me what it’s like being a lawyer.

I continually tell them: it’s not glamorous. No, really. It can be very fulfilling, but it’s definitely not a bunch of Perry Mason moments and it can be downright grueling. Today, my workday was ongoing from 6:30am to 10:20pm and tbqh I feel like I’ve been standing in front of a pitching machine repeatedly taking fastballs to the groin. An illustrative and very de-identified comedy of errors follows:

1) Left home at 6:30am for a ‘one hour’ emergency hearing, for a case I received on Friday because another attorney departed my office, for a type of hearing which should never have been set for one hour because it is very complex, cannot be moved, and is highly contested, and which requires the judge to apply BRAND new case law. Why was it set for one hour? Good question. It was scheduled by the departing attorney last Friday for today, TUESDAY. Said person knew I would be taking it over, knew it couldn’t be postponed, and knew he hadn’t asked me or looked at my calendar re: was I ok with this happening with two days’ notice. Okay. Fine. I’ve got this. I stop at the office to pick up my file and print two more things. I’m prepared, I have my exhibits with me, this is part of the job, let’s do this. Right?

2) Wrong. I reach the courthouse. It is pouring rain. I drop my file. All the exhibits are now wet. Fantastic. I’ve still got this, right? I’ve dealt with hearings during tornados and medical emergencies and with clients literally fleeing and being tackled to the floor and clients flipping tables and clients hysterically screaming while throwing things at the judge’s bench while we all dive for cover, so I can deal with some water. I tell opposing counsel and the courtroom clerk in advance, apologize that the court can’t scan the documents in until they dry. They say “hey it happens.” Cool.

3) The ‘one hour’ hearing does not even start until - at the court’s direction - two rounds of negotiation and a chambers conference have set us back by…an hour and a half. Okay. It happens. Usually, though, a highly contested hearing that requires testimony and evidence on three separate multi-factor tests/analyses and application of brand new caselaw is set in for more than one hour, so there’s time for all of that to occur if needed. Not so here, due to Murphy’s Law. So - now what? Oh, we’re still going to just…have the hearing anyway? The hearing which will definitely exceed an hour and probably exceed five hours? Okay. Cue all involved attorneys desperately trying to get coverage for their afternoon cases and reschedule everything else they’ve got going on. But this happens. It’s part of the job. So - I’ve still got this, right?

4) WRONG. Halfway through the now day-long hearing, I get an email: my boss is displeased about something and needs more info about the item ASAP. Got it. Addressed it ASAP on a recess from court. Fine, hopefully?

5) BUT WAIT! Just the opposing party’s case takes until about 3pm. Then it’s my turn! Neat. There’s an hour and a half left in the court day. The judge wants the case to be done. It’s not going to be done. I have three witnesses including my client. My client needs to go first and they are nervous as all heck. Not for lack of preparation - many people just are really nervous in court! That’s normal. But it means this client’s testimony can’t move at the warp-9.9 speed that I know the judge would prefer: they’re barely keeping a lid on their anxiety as it is. Predictably, we don’t even make it to their cross-examination. The one hour hearing, surprising NO ONE, went all day and isn’t done yet. It has gone on so long that the assignment clerks (who calendar hearings) have left for the day! So we don’t even know when we’re coming back. But I’ve still got this, right?

6) It’s now after five. I call about eight people who have had to wait to hear from me or who needed to have discussions or meetings rescheduled because court has run all day. I apologize to all of them and conduct all those meetings before and during my trip back to the office (an hour away). Okay. I have one more late evening meeting. I’ve got this, right? Right?

7) Before this meeting, I update my boss on the status of the thing leading to his earlier displeasure. Included in there that something boss indicated should be done could maybe not happen that way, and proposed an alternative solution.

8) The meeting begins. Imagine my surprise when it is a one and a half hour recorded session which was not calendared as such? When none of the participants had previously asked me whether it could proceed as such? I’ve been in trial mode - a state of constant hyper-awareness - since eight thirty am. Any recorded session also requires trial mode - I have to treat it like a deposition. It’s now almost nine PM. Insanity. But I can pivot. I can do this. I’ve still got this, right?

9) I don’t got this. In my inbox, halfway through the session: boss flatly rejects my alternative re: how to fix “we can’t address the source of displeasure the way boss has instructed without a few other things being authorized.” Okay. I make a second alternative proposal on a short break from this session. Boss is usually chill. Boss is not at all chill at present. Anxiety levels: high. Results pending.

10) I’m finally closing out that recorded session. Good. But what’s this in my inbox? Boss: displeased about something different? At 8:45 pm? NEVER GOOD. Long email to this effect? LESS GOOD STILL. However: upon closer examination, the something boss is displeased about involves…incorrect math, and not my incorrect math. Well, shit on a cracker. The last thing I want to do is gracefully point this out, but I have to. It’s not something I can let lie. It’s really important. So, uh, I…do. Anxiety levels: critical!!!! as boss was already annoyed and I’ve just had to cross boss for a second time. Not ideal. Not at all. It is now, absurdly, almost ten pm.

11) Then, driving home. Pouring rain still. Behind a cop almost the whole way. I get home. I think, this is the kind of day situational anxiety meds are made for. And then I realize they are…at the office. Where I left them this morning. So that I didn’t accidentally take them into the courthouse.

Great.

No. Being a lawyer isn’t glamorous. And today is an excellent example of why.

(It’s not all bad. My client/their family for the ‘one hour’ hearing: currently happy. Self-eval of my objection game today: pretty good.

Everything else: nerve-wracking)

[poedameronloverx]

A New Way Of Life

Life In Lockdown Series Masterlist

Poe Dameron x F!Reader

Summary - As the reality of working from home sets in, you and your friends have to learn to work around one another, whilst also finding things to relax you to make evenings with your friends a lot of fun.

Warnings - Mentions of covid

Word Count - 2090

Week 1 – March 2020

The first few days of lockdown were a challenge. Trying to get in touch with people from work was proving more difficult than you’d first thought. You were getting easily distracted as well. BeeBee spent his time going between Poe in the dining room and you in the living room, the open plan nature basically making it a massive room for him to wander around in. Anytime he came near you, you couldn’t resist picking him up for snuggles. Poe was a distraction too, he liked to sing to himself as he worked and the sound of his voice was distracting you from whatever work you were doing. After reading the same line of an email 4 times you decided to take a break, you headed to the kitchen and started up the coffee machine. BeeBee followed you, deciding to have his own drink break with his bowl of water. Rose appeared in the kitchen whilst you were waiting for your coffee to be done.

“How’s it going?” she asked

“It’s a lot more challenging than I thought. Everything is distracting me!”

“Me too” she replied “And most people aren’t picking up calls today because they’ve all obviously had to close their offices as well”

“I can’t get hold of management” you replied “And BeeBee keeps wanting attention and he’s so cute I always give in! We should put a smart watch on him. He’s probably done 10000 steps walking between Poe and I”

“How’s Poe as a colleague?”

“Distracting, he keeps singing”

“He’s a good singer, could be worse” Rose chuckled

“Yeah he’s great but my mind just hears singing and thinks it’s done with work” you replied “Have you heard anything from Finn?”

“No, the doors been closed all morning. I don’t think he even came out for a break”

“Hopefully it’s going alright for him”

“Why don’t we do something tonight” Rose said “We’re all having weird days so maybe we could plan fun things in the evenings”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Movie night tonight” she replied “We can make dinner then watch a bunch of movies. We can plan other things for other evenings”

“I’m in” you replied “It’ll be nice to have something to look forward to”

“What are we looking forward to?” Poe asked as he joined you in the kitchen

“Oh, Rose was just saying we should plan fun things to do in the evenings, starting with movie night tonight”

“Sounds great. This working remotely thing is really not fun”

“BeeBee likes it” you smiled “He’s enjoying going between us”

“Well as long as the best boy is happy then we all are” Poe chuckled, leaning down to scoop the dog into his arms “You’re the best little buddy aren’t you”

“So cute!” Rose whispered

Rose’s idea for a movie night was just what everyone needed after the first day of the strange new reality the world found itself in. The 4 of you picked a movie each, the genres ranged from musicals, to Disney, to action and finally horror. You didn’t hate horror movies but they would never be your first choice. BeeBee who had taken residence in your lap for movie night suddenly found himself being hugged a lot tighter than previously. Rose and Finn were sat on one sofa all cuddled up, Rose had a blanket over her head and Finn was chuckling at her anytime she jumped at the scares from the movie. Poe and you were sat on the opposite side of the room. A blanket covered your legs, which were crossed underneath you. Poe was stretched out, his feet hanging off the end of the sofa and his head rested on a pillow a few inches away from you. He sat up when you jumped at one particularly bad jump scare.

“Hey, you alright?” he whispered

“Just not really my kind of movie” you replied

“Me neither, but Finn loves them so I’ve got used to them! I can hold your hand if you want”

“Thank you, but I’ll be fine. It’s just a stupid movie right?”

“Right” Poe smiled, he sat up and moved closer to you “Just incase anyone tries to grab you, I’ll not let them”

The sun decided to make an appearance on the 3rd and 4th days of lockdown. It wasn't tropical temperatures or anything but you could get away with being in the garden as long as you had a hoodie on. Rose was completely snowed under at work and you rarely saw Finn apart from lunch. Poe’s boss had taken pity on them all after a stressful few days and given them the Friday as a day off. You could see him sat in the garden with BeeBee whilst you worked. It was approaching 12.00 and you were slowly losing the will to live. You managed to push through until 1pm when you were ready for lunch. Your boss emailed to give everyone the afternoon off so you made your lunch, pulled a hoodie on and headed out to the garden to join Poe. As soon as the sun hit your skin, you instantly felt relaxed. It had been a strange week and you were grateful to be able to start your weekend a few hours early. You grabbed one of the garden chairs and moved it over next to Poe.

“Happy weekend” he said as you sat down

“It’s been the weirdest week in the entire world. I’m so glad we made it to the weekend”

“Me too, and I’m really glad you got an early finish. Bee isn’t the best conversation holder” he winked

“He’s cute though, he gets points for that at least!”

“That goes without saying”

The dog must’ve known he was being spoken about. He got up from his place in the shade to come and get some attention.

“Wanna take him a walk with me later?” Poe asked “The ice cream kiosk in the park is open, we could get something there, and it would be nice to have some company”

“Yeah, that sounds good”

Finn and Rose were still upstairs working when it came time for BeeBee’s walk. You texted Rose to tell her you’d gone with Poe. The park was beautiful in the sun, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d actually visited it. It was only a 10 minute walk away from the house but you didn't really have a reason to go to it. There were families out on walks, people on their own, people with dogs. Everyone was out enjoying the weather and taking their one form of daily outdoor exercise. You chuckled as BeeBee tried to make friends with every other dog and human he came across, his little tail wagging the entire time. Poe led you over to the ice cream kiosk he had mentioned; there was a long socially distanced queue.

“You keep an eye on Bee and I’ll get us some ice cream” he smiled “There’s a bench just round the back of this kiosk, nobody ever sits at it but it’s at a really good bit for Bee to run around. I’ll come and get you once I get the ice cream”

You nodded and made your way round to the bench Poe had mentioned. Like he said, the area was quiet; there was one woman with a dog that you’d seen earlier on, BeeBee and her dog had sniffed one another when you'd walked passed her just after walking into the park. You took the ball you’d lifted before leaving the house out of your pocket and threw it for the little dog. He happily chased after it, always bringing it back. He set it down for a second to talk to the woman who was stood at the other side of the grass, her dog spotted it’s opportunity and grabbed it. The woman chased after her dog and eventually got the ball back. She walked over to the bench and stood far enough away from where you were, but close enough to lay the ball down.

“Sorry about that, he’s terrible for stealing from other dogs”

You chuckled “It’s not a problem, it’s this ones fault for trying to be too sociable”

She smiled “Your dog is so cute!”

“He is cute, but sadly he’s not mine. I have to give him back”

“Ah, he’s your boyfriends. The guy you were walking with earlier”

You could feel yourself blushing “Em, yeah he belongs to him, but he’s not my boyfriend. Just a friend and lockdown house mate”

“Oh, I’m sorry I just assumed” she replied “You guys looked liked a super cute couple  when I spotted you earlier”

“It’s fine” you replied with a shrug.

You wished he was your boyfriend, you’d had a crush on the man since the first day you met him. The two of you had clicked right away when Ben had introduced you. Him and Poe had been classmates that didn’t keep in touch, you vaguely remembered seeing Poe at your brothers birthday parties when you were kids but nobody paid you much attention back then because they were all older and you were the annoying little sister of their friend. Poe and Ben had met back up again when Ben became a client of Poe’s work. You were introduced to Poe when Ben and Rey got engaged and had a party. You’d later found out you had a mutual friend in Finn and the 3 of you started to hang out. You’d known Finn since high school, you never went to the same school but you both had a part time job at a local café. Finding out Poe was Finn’s best friend and roommate made you re-connect with Finn. You’d kept in touch on social media for years but didn’t really spend a lot of time together so through Poe that all changed. When you’d introduced Finn and Rose it had been love at first sight. The 4 of you could be found hanging out on a regular basis; everyone always assumed it was a double date because of how close you and Poe were. He was a touchy, feely guy. He would often be found with his arm round your shoulders, his hand on your back when you were walking anywhere with him. You loved it but also hated it because you always wanted more. The reason you had never mentioned anything was because you were scared he wouldn’t feel the same and you didn’t want such a good friendship to fall apart if you told him and made things awkward. Rose knew, but she promised she wouldn't tell Poe.

BeeBee and the other dog went back to playing together and the woman wandered back to where she had originally been stood. You took a few photos on your phone and uploaded them to social media. Everyone needed a boost during the weird times you were in and you thought there was no better way to cheer people up than photos of cute dogs. After what felt like hours, Poe finally came to join you. He handed you a small tub of ice cream and a slushie.

“Man are they busy” he said, flopping down next to you on the bench “Did Bee behave?”

“He did, that dog he’s playing with stole his ball but they’re on friendly terms now”

“That’s good news” Poe chuckled

The two of you sat and enjoyed your ice creams, the weather and one another’s company. When you were ready to head back home Poe phoned Finn, the local takeaways were open for delivery and Poe decided it was too nice a night for anyone to be cooking. The evening was spent eating as much pizza as you could and watching videos on YouTube. Finn was really into the ones exploring abandoned places and you all fell down a rabbit hole of watching video after video. Rose fell asleep first, and you soon followed. Eventually leaning over and falling onto Poe’s shoulder. Poe and Finn smiled at one another. You had all survived a crazy week, you’d had to adapt to an all new way of life and there had been some hiccups but overall you’d all coped. You were thankfully all healthy, and you had good company and were surrounded by your best friends. Life was far from perfect but both of them knew that things could be a lot worse, and that worldwide things would get worse before they improved.

So once again please let me know what you thought, I want to get better as a writer and I can only do that with your help. Thank you for all of the kind comments one the last part, they really made me smile! <3

[btsslowburnfic]

The Arrangement Ch 12

Series Summary: Desperately in need of money, you answered the questionable ad. AKA-Arranged marriage AU featuring Y/N and Yoongi.

Chapter Summary: Work work and meeting the lead Fashion designer at BigHit Previous Chapter here You arrived back at 1802 and put away the groceries. True to his word, Yoongi had let you carry all the bags back while he stuffed his cold hands deep into his coat. 

“What’s tomorrow’s schedule look like?” He asked, collapsing down onto the couch.

You took out your phone. “You have a meeting with Adora at 10 am. It looks like the conference room on the 24th floor has already been reserved by Jiwoo. Other than that, not much. You have your afternoon blocked out.”

“Cool.” He scrolled through his phone.

You walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out your leftovers. “Do you want anything while I’m in here?” You asked.

“No. I don’t eat a lot.” He responded. 

You put your food on a plate and positioned yourself at the barstool. “Do you know the person who is retiring on Saturday?” You asked right before taking a bite of your food.

“Just casually. He’s been here forever. He was BPD’s assistant for a long time and then took a less intense position these past couple of years. I think he works in the gallery as a docent.”

“There’s a gallery? Jesus, this building has everything.” You said amazed.

“It has a lot. I haven’t been. They change the exhibits every few months.”

You took your phone out and researched the gallery a bit. How interesting. You added your meeting with Jimin to your calendar and added a few other personal items for next week. 

You got up and rinsed your plate and then set the coffee maker for the morning. “Alright dude, I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for the groceries.” 

He looked up from his phone. “You’re already going to bed? I thought you were a night owl?” 

You shrugged. “ I think I’m making up for years of sleep deprivation honestly. I’m sure I’ll be back to it in no time. Plus you know, mild panic attack earlier.”

“Ah right. Sorry about that again. Good night,” He said.

You gave a small smile and realized about halfway down the hallway that your heart was racing. Hey. Calm down. You’re the one in charge here. 

Yoongi got up from the couch. He wouldn’t be tired for hours. He would normally go back to the studio, but after your confession earlier he didn’t want to leave you alone in case Jin’s crazy girlfriend was still around and going to start screaming again. He sighed and went up to the loft area, pulling out his laptop. He could work some from here he supposed. 

----------

You woke up and threw on your robe. Shuffling out to the kitchen you saw that coffee was missing from the pot, indicating that Yoongi had already started his day. You grabbed a mug and headed back to your room to get ready. 

When you arrived at your desk you were pleasantly surprised to see some stationary had been left on your desk, as well as a small plant. Huh, cute. You sat down and answered the usual round of emails, confirmed events, and made a list of things you would need to check with Yoongi before answering. 

Y/N: Hey! I have some questions I need to ask you before I answer some emails. Are you available? Also do you need me to attend the 10am with you? 

Y: come in. 

You smiled and walked around the corner to the studio. You tried to turn the handle and it was locked. You smirked and keyed in the code. 

"Good morning," you said, closing the door behind you. 

"Did you sleep OK?" he asked, not turning around from the computer monitors. 

"I did. Thanks. I didn't bring coffee, would you like me to go grab some?"

"No, it’s fine." He responded. 

You walked closer and perched yourself on the edge of the couch closest to him. You sat down your pen and paper. He was clearly in the middle of something. 

He pushed a few more buttons on the console and hit play, a beat suddenly filled the studio. It sounded good to you, but all you knew about music was that you liked to dance to it. You watched as he listened to it with his entire body. He hit stop. 

"Ugh… It's still not right. Fuck." he slid his hands down his jeans 

"I can come back later if it's better for you. I didn't want to interrupt." 

He spun around in the chair. "No. You're fine. What did you need to ask me?" 

“Namjoon sent a list of artists who have expressed an interest in collaborating with you. He wants you to pick your top 3. Here," you handed him the list. 

Yoongi took the paper and looked over it boredly. So many people were just interested in collaboration for their own sake; using him to get their music recognized. People always fucking using him. He could feel himself starting to get angry and took a deep breath. 

"Hey. We can do this later, ok? What do you need from me for your meeting? Anything?"  You could tell this was bothering him but had no idea why. 

Yoongi looked up at you. Weren't you also using him? For the money? The idea flashed across his mind for a moment before he told himself to shut up. 

He cleared his throat. “Sorry. Here. " He got a pen and circled 3.

You took the paper back. "Oooo Post Malone? That would be sick. I actually haven't really listened to your music yet," you mused as you looked at the other two artists he had circled.

Yoongi felt himself relaxing more as you began to talk. "No?" he made a tch sound, "You'll have to listen sometime." 

"Oh yeah?” Your eyes flicked back up to him. “Make me a mixtape. Your ‘best of’." 

Yoongi rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling like he was in middle school. "You want me to make you a mixtape?" 

"Yep." You smiled. "OK. Your meeting with Adora is in fifteen minutes. What do you need?" 

He thought for a few seconds. "I just need my laptop and some headphones. You don't need to come, she and I will just be listening to music. If we end up back down here I'll let you know." Yoongi got up to start collecting his things. 

"Alright. Sounds good. I'll see you later." You let yourself out and emailed Namjoon Yoongi's choices. You watched as he walked past you to the elevators. 

Yoongi tried to make sure he didn't look at you as he walked past. He didn't want to seem like a creep. But last night, the more he thought about what you had told him, the more upset he got about it. While his family wasn't supportive of his goals, theirs was from a place of concern. And they were never violent or even the type to yell. 

Yoongi knew there was nothing he could have done. He didn't even live in the same city as you growing up. He didn't know you when you guys were kids. But he found himself wishing he did. That there could have been a way for him to have protected you from that. He sighed, remembering that this morning the first thing he thought about was you, and if you were safe. What was happening to him? He got on the elevator and headed on up to his meeting. 

You responded to Jiwoo's email regarding personalized stationery. You had selected your initials with the Genius Lab logo in the bottom. The sample version you designed made you feel proud. You had asked if Yoongi also had stationary and he did not. So you ordered some for him as well. 

Before you knew it, your stomach was growling. As though your mind was being read your phone pinged. 

J: There's Food trucks out front. Let's goooo! 

YN: what kind? 

JK: I'm stuck at a shoot, grab me something and bring it to the 11th floor and I'll love you forever 

YN: Is this a group chat? 

J: welcooooome. Meet me in the lobby! 

YN: Ok. 

You took the elevator down and saw Jimin’s beautiful blonde locks from across the lobby. 

"Happy Friday, gorgeous!" he greeted you. "On Fridays food trucks sometimes park along this street." He explained, gesturing through the glass windows to several food trucks waiting. 

"Oh my God. Is that a crepe truck?" you asked. 

"Yep. Let's get a few different things and share. V just texted and he's saving us a seat in the cafeteria." 

All of a sudden you wanted to cry. You had friends that texted you and wanted to eat with you? This was too good to be true. What was the catch? You found yourself wondering. 

"Hey. YN. Are you ok? Here, we can use the company card if you're worried since you just started here." Jimin tried to guess what might be bothering you. 

"What?" you asked, confused for a minute. "No. I'm sorry. I'm just so happy you guys included me, I was frozen with happiness." 

Jimin laughed. "You are too cute. I don't know why Namjoon thinks you're secretly a dominatrix". He walked over towards the exit. 

"Wait what? Your boss called me that?" you chased after him.

Jimin kept laughing "No no. Just how he's glad someone's finally whipping Yoongi into shape. I added the dominatrix part." The two of you lined up for crepes. 

You felt a little annoyed. You weren’t making Yoongi do anything. "Pshhh, whatever. I'm just nice to him. I ask him nicely to do things and he does them if he wants to." 

"Sure, sure." Jimin teased. "Hey let's split up so we can get food twice as fast." 

"Sounds good," you agreed. 

You felt your phone vibrate and you took it out. 

Y: Hey. Still in the meeting. We won't be breaking for lunch and I don't want you to wait on me. Not that you would. But just in case. 

Aww how nice of him. 

YN:OK, thanks! Make sure to eat something this afternoon. You didn't eat dinner last night. 

Y: k 

You ordered several crepes and waited for Jimin to meet you back by the lobby entrance. He had gone to a kimchi truck , ordering many different food items as well. You made your way to the 3rd floor, home to the cafeteria and gym. It seemed so evil to have these two on the same floor you thought.

You guys walked in with Jimin looking around for V. Having found him, the two of you walked over. He already had a sizeable amount of food on the table. 

“Hey guys.” He smiled, reaching out to take some of the food from your hands.

“This one is for Yoongi,” You said as you sat down and placed one of the containers next to you, away from the center.

“That’s so sweet of you.” V said.

“It’s nothing. Oh, aren’t you supposed to take food to your other friend?” You asked Jimin who had just returned from grabbing napkins and chopsticks.

“Yeah, he’s still in the shoot. We’ll just take him a few bites from each dish. You haven’t met Jungkook yet have you?”

The three of you started divvying up food onto bowls and plates. “No. I’ve seen pictures of him in magazines and stuff, but I haven’t had the honor yet.”

“He’s a good kid.” V said.

“He’s a grown ass man.” Jimin retorted.

V rolled his eyes. “The point remains. He’s coming to the party on Saturday so I’m sure you’ll meet him then.”

Silence filled the table as you all started to shovel food into your faces.

“So what dorm did they put you in?” Jimin asked through bites of food.

Shit. You did not want to tell them that you were living with Yoongi. For so many reasons. But you didn’t want to lie to your new friends. 

“I’m in a private room. I think since Yoongi keeps unconventional hours they wanted me to not bother the other girls.” You said and then stuffed a crepe into your mouth.

“That makes sense. A lot of the models are also in private smaller apartments too since we have to fly in and out of the country at strange hours,” V said. “Jimin and I live across the hall from each other on the 20th floor.”

“That’s how we became such good friends. We kept running into each other on the way to the gym and cafe. It was…” Jimin took a deep breath and dramatically paused, “DESTINY.” He reached out his hand. V laughed and the linked pinkies for a split second.

“Alright, I have to get back to work. I’ll see you later Jimin. See you tomorrow Y/N.” Tae said as he gathered up some of this trash and stood up.

“Later.” You waved.

Jimin packed up the rest of the food and some utensils to deliver to JK. “Alright, let’s go deliver some lunches.” 

The two of you exited the cafeteria. “Ugh. Why is the gym next to the cafeteria.” You lamented once more.

“I know. In the morning they make bread and it’s all I can smell when I work out. I hate it.” Jimin stepped onto the elevator with you following. “What did you get Yoongi?”

“Kimchi crepe. I had one as well. It was good. If he doesn’t want it, I’ll eat it.”

The elevator arrived at the 11th floor. “Alright babe, see you in a little while.”

“Thanks again for the lunch invite.” You smiled as the doors closed. You sighed and took out your phone.

YN: I grabbed you some food from the food trucks. I’m getting ready to put it in the break room unless you want it somewhere else. I have a 2pm meeting but will be available by text. 

You dropped the food off and stopped by your desk. You answered more emails and soon it was almost time to go meet Jimin again. You went back to the apartment and changed into leggings and a tank top. You threw a sweater on over it and headed down to the 6th floor. 

The first thing you noticed about the 6th floor looked like a rainbow vomited all over it. The colors were all over the place, you looked around for Jimin and not seeing him you sat down on a large orange sofa under a large graffiti-style painting that said JHOPE FASHION.

You heard the clack of heels a few seconds later. 

"Yoongi's assistant! " A voice happily shouted, belonging to the man who had escorted you to your apartment a few nights ago. Today he was dressed in an immaculate pinstripe suit that looked normal, save for the psychedelic dress shirt poking out from under his jacket and the lime green socks you could barely see. 

You stood up, "Hey. Nice to see you again." 

"I'm so sorry. I forgot your name." He said.

"Ah. Same actually. I'm YN." 

" Hoseok. Jimin is running a bit late but he told me you would be stopping by  Come along." he quickly turned and headed down the bright hallway. 

You followed him down the kaleidoscope-inspired hallway and entered a bright open room. There were several other people in there. The room was lined with mirrors and pedestals. People who you could only assume were models were having alterations done. 

You followed Hoseok over to one of the empty pedestals where he stopped to turn and look at you.

"Alright, do you have other clothes? Because I can not see your figure with that sweater on." He got straight to the point. 

"Oh. Yes of course." You awkwardly removed your garment. He took the sweater from you and sat it on a small purple chair.

"Stand." He gestured to a small pedestal and offered you his hand 

You climbed up on the raised platform while Hoseok studied your body. It felt invasive and awkward, but at the same time, normal because everyone else in the room was having the same thing done. You felt almost like a model for a few seconds.

"Hey girl. You're getting the full JHope experience today I see." You heard a familiar voice. You turned your head and saw Jimin walking over holding some Boba tea. 

He handed one to Hoseok. He looked up at you, "Sorry. No drinks near the merch." 

"She's not getting the full JHope experience, I would never do that with Yoongi's assistant." Hoseok teased Jimin. You weren't quite sure what he was talking about, but you could take a guess. 

He continued his lap around you, eyeing you predatorily. He paused for a moment, staring at your backside more intently. 

" Hey, get away from my ass." You scolded. Jimin lost his shit and started cackling. 

Suddenly very serious, Hoseok remarked, "I have to figure out which cut of jeans will look the best in that ass so I'm going to look at it. If you want me to style you, you have to be prepared, Y/N." 

"Sorry, he's a little intense. But he also just said he's not going to try to sleep with you, so your ass is safe." Jimin said, having regained some of his composure. 

You scowled. "Oh yea? Is that what the full experience is?" 

"You two need to quiet yourselves." Hoseok was back to looking at you.

You blinked for a second, suddenly putting two and two together. 

"You're THE JHope of JHOPE fashion house." 

Hosoek’s eyes flicked up to you. "One and the same."

JHope fashion was known for its mixture of traditional clothing with bold and colorful patterns. 

"Well then, please sir. Look at my ass." You teased. 

To your surprise, he started to laugh and clapped his hands. "You are funny. OK. Step down. You and Soojin are about the same body type. Let me pull her wardrobe and see what we have." He walked back towards a bright green door and disappeared behind it. 

Jimin smiled while looking around the room. “So. What do you think?”

“I feel like I’m in a Kdrama to be honest.” You responded. “Small town girl moves to big city. Boy feels bad for her and gives her clothes. Girl begins new life. You know the genre.”

“Haha yeah. Are you from a small town?”

“No. I’m from Busan and I’ve lived in Seoul for the past 7 years.” 

Hoseok walked out the door carrying a few clothing items. “Here. I don’t have time to do alterations or anything but take these home and try them on. There are samples of different styles of clothes: jeans, different styles of skirts and dresses, shirts, jackets. For Saturday try on some of the printed dresses. It’s a barbecue restaurant so if you spill sauce you want it to be on a pattern so it blends in better and doesn’t stand out.” 

“Ok, thanks.” you stepped down and took the hangers from him. “When should I return these by?”

“These are marked as trash. So if they don’t fit you, you can donate them. If they fit you, keep them.”

“Really?” You asked, still in disbelief. “Like. For free. Just take these?”

“Yep.” Hoeseok said. “Just don’t go around telling everyone in the building. We get a tax write off for defects so we can’t have all of the clothing walking off. This is because Jimin said you’re cool.” 

You looked over at Jimin who was blushing slightly. “Thanks Jimin.”

“It’s nothing. Hey, do you have my clothes ready?” He asked, seeming to remember that he also came here for something.

“No. JK’s shoot went over. He’s been working out too much and he busted out of one of his shirts. We had to remake one on the fly and it took my free time. I’ll bring it by tonight.”

Your eyes bugged out slightly and you tried to not imagine the model who you had only seen photos of busting out of a shirt. It didn’t work though.

“You're so lucky.” Jimin pouted.

“I was too busy being annoyed to appreciate his physique.” Hoseok retorted. “Anyways, I need to get back to work. I’ll see you two tomorrow. Now shoo.” He gestured over to the door.

You grabbed your sweater off the chair and headed back towards the elevators with your new stash in tow. Next stop: your closet.  NEXT CHAPTER @lidda​  @anpanman-sonyeondan   @firefairy1  @cuteipat​  @sugaslittlekookies​  @janeelizabeth1216​ @deeepvibes​ @gxldenhunny​

[xofanfics]

Selfish - Part 14

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15

Genre: angst, fluff, SMUT

Pairing: Jun x Reader / Chan x Reader

Word Count: 7.3k

Summary: You love them both and you’re torn. But…what if you didn’t have to choose? Jun was scrolling through hotel listings on Jeju Island. He’d decided to surprise you with a trip to Jeju Island. What better way to prove himself to you than to spoil you a little bit? As the holidays came and went, February was here before he knew it. It was the perfect time to go on a trip. And he knew that you could use a little rest and relaxation.

Jun bought two plane tickets that night, as the prices went down a bit. He was excited to spend some time away and alone with you. You’d forgiven him but he knew that he was still sort of on your shit list. If something else went wrong, he wasn’t sure what you’d do. After all the two of you had been through with Malai and the arguing with Chan and all, things had been a little rocky.

He’d spend the next couple of days planning the trip, deciding some fun things to do while you were there. He wanted things to be perfect and he had all these ideas. He wanted to take you to see all the sites—the waterfalls, the beaches, all the beautiful things nature had to offer. You’d forget about all the stress of being at home and just enjoy the vacation with him.

As he scrolled through hotel listings, you called him. “Hello?” 

“Hey, babe,” you said. “What are you doing?”

“I’m just on the computer browsing. You?”

“I just got out of the shower...”

“Oh really? What are you wearing?”

“Nothing,” you said. “Wanna see?”

He smirked. “I can’t say no to that.” A moment later, he got a notification on his phone that you’d sent him a photo. You were nude, laying on your towel. You took the picture in the mirror above your dresser, across from your bed. “Wow. You look amazing, baby. I can’t wait to get my hands on you…”

He spent almost an hour on the phone with you and in that time, he found the perfect hotel. It wasn’t a huge suite like he would’ve wanted but it had a king sized bed, a loveseat, desk, and a huge flat screen tv. Not to mention the beautiful view. And even though it wasn’t summertime, it had a really nice pool outside. Luckily though, there was an indoor pool and a spa that you could take advantage of. He’d definitely book a couples’ massage with you, so you could both get all those knots of tension out of your systems. 

Jun was getting excited just thinking of all the fun you could have together. Lately, there hadn’t been much to look forward to so this trip was just what he needed. He was pumped to spend some time with you and get you all to himself. It had been a long time since he’d been on vacation and you hadn’t been on one either. So, he was more than happy to solve that problem. 

*

As Jun went up the train station escalator, he could hardly contain his excitement. Everyone had a long weekend due to the Korean New Year. Jun was glad because he planned to tell you the surprise today. The two of you had planned to have dinner together tonight and it gave him the perfect opportunity to tell you about his surprise.

You were waiting for him in the lobby of the building you worked in when he walked in. He figured that you must’ve gotten off a little early. As he walked toward you, you didn’t see him. He smiled at the sight of you in the lounge chair, smiling at whatever you were looking at on your phone. 

“Hi beautiful,” he said, taking you by surprise. “Did you get out a little early?”

You smiled, grabbing your bag and standing up to greet him. “Hey babe. Yeah, honestly everyone was ready to have a head start to this weekend. Everyone practically ran out of the office once our boss said we could leave.”

He kissed you on your forehead. “Nice.”

The two of you walked out of the building together, starting toward the restaurant that you wanted to go to nearby. On the walk there, you told him about your day and how the restaurant had really good steak and that it comes out perfect every time. He loved how animated you got when you spoke and how your eyes lit up with excitement. 

You arrived at the restaurant a few minutes later and were seated right away. It was more crowded than it would usually be on a Thursday evening because it was more like a Friday evening since everyone would be off of work tomorrow. 

“I come here with my coworkers sometimes for their lunch special,” you said, flipping through the menu. 

Your order was taken and you had your drinks within five minutes. Over the red wine, Jun said, “I have a surprise for you, babe.”

Your eyes lit up again, turning from your drink. “What is it?”

“We’re going to Jeju tomorrow morning,” he said. “I wanted to take you on a trip since we have off.”

“Wow,” you said, smiling even wider, “that sounds amazing. Are you serious?”

“Believe it, baby,” he said, reaching for your hand.

You looked down at the table for a few seconds before you said, “I have an idea, but it’s kind of crazy.”

“How crazy?”

“Well do you think that we could ever spend time together? Like the three of us?”

Jun nodded. “Well, yeah.”

“Well, what if he came with us?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” you said. You cleared your throat. “I mean, we can wait another time if you want, of course...but I just wanted to put the idea out there. It could be good for us.”

To be honest, Jun wanted this trip to just be for the two of you, without Chan tagging along. The last thing he wanted was for you to think he had a problem with this arrangement or that he was being greedy. Even though he didn’t want to, he said, “Yeah, that’s fine with me,” because he didn’t want you to be disappointed. The reality was that his reply was the furthest thing from the truth. 

And it brought a smile to your face. “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna give him a call and see if he can still get a flight. Can you forward me the flight info?”

He pursed his lips together as he went into his email and forwarded the flight itinerary to you. With a quick “Thanks, babe,” you were gone. You went into the hallway outside of the bathrooms and took out your phone. 

“Hello?” Chan answered.

“Hey,” you said, “I have good news and bad news.”

“Okay, what’s the bad news?”

“I don’t think we’re going to be able to have our sleepover this weekend…”

“Why not?”

“I’m going to Jeju with Jun this weekend and I wanted to know if you wanted to...come with us.”

Chan paused for a moment; you didn’t blame him. The three of you had been through a lot in this relationship and you wondered if it was too soon to be together like this. Finally, he said, “That sounds like fun...”

“Do you really think you two can be in the same room together...with me?”

“I don’t see why not. I mean, it’s bound to happen eventually, right?”

You gave him the flight number and, thankfully, he was able to book the flight. And from the looks of it, he was a couple rows behind where you and Jun would be sitting. 

“I’m all booked,” he said, after checking and re-checking the reservation. He chuckled. “I should get packing.”

*

Chan heard a knock at the door, interrupting him from his packing. It was Jason, who had arrived with a box of pizza. He sighed and went back over to his luggage. Confused, Jason sat down on the floor, putting the pizza on the table.

“What’s with you?” he said. He pointed to the luggage. “Are you going somewhere?”

“To Jeju,” Chan replied. 

“Ooh that sounds like fun. I wish I was going somewhere. My family is right here in Seoul so there’s not really anywhere to go.”

“There’s only but so much fun I can have,” he said, rolling his eyes, as he threw socks into his suitcase. “Jun booked a trip for them this weekend and Y/N invited me along but it feels like it was more pity than anything else…”

Jason cursed under his breath as he opened the pizza box. “Maybe he wants to make peace. Maybe this is him putting his foot forward and trying to make things better.”

“On my weekend? The bastard had the nerve to book this trip when I was supposed to spend the weekend with Y/N! He would do something like this! He had her to himself last week!” 

He kicked the suitcase out of frustration, startling his friend. Just when things seemed like they were looking up, Jun just had to do something to sabotage what they had. 

“Well, Y/N will be there. She won’t let him get carried away.”

Chan sighed and sat down, grabbing a slice of pizza. “I don’t know, maybe I should’ve thought this over more. It feels like I’m third wheeling with my own girlfriend.”

Chan loved the idea of going on a trip with you. Since he was always busy with work and school, he rarely had enough time for the two of you to have a weekend getaway. But, for once, he was free all weekend and the cafe was closed for the holiday. And even better, his boss still paid him for the days he had off. He’d dubbed it a “New Year’s gift.” For once, things had been aligned so perfectly that it was hard to believe. And he planned on spending it with you since it was, in fact, his weekend to spend with you. 

But now the plans had been rearranged. You called him asking if he wanted to go and he didn’t want to disappoint you, so he agreed to the plan before thinking it through. Would it be a good time? He was struggling to trust Jun in the first place; he wouldn’t be able to keep his cool if he hurt you again. On the other hand, it was something that would have to happen sooner or later. In this polyamorous relationship, the three of you would eventually have to come together sometime. It couldn’t always be separate relationships that were somehow still one.

“Is she usually fair though? Does it seem like she favors him over you?”

“I’m not sure,” he said, mouth full. He swallowed and added, “I just gotta make it until Sunday. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?”

Chan sure as hell hoped so.

*

The three of you arrived at the airport a little sooner than expected. You checked in your bags and went through security with no issues. You arrived at the designated gate with an hour to spare. Chan sat down, leaning against his neck pillow. He looked tired; he’d mentioned how he stayed up a bit late trying to finish one of his assignments so that he wouldn’t have to stress about it on Sunday before classes started back up again on Monday.

You went to the bathroom briefly and, when you came back, Chan was fast asleep. You smiled at the sight of him and the fact that his mouth was slightly ajar.

Jun chuckled and said, “He passed out right away. Do you wanna get something to eat since we have time?”

You nodded and went to shake Chan. “Babe, do you want to eat?” Chan opened his eyes ever so slightly before groaning and turning his head away from you.

Jun said, “Just leave him. He’s pretty tired, isn’t he? We can just get a sandwich for him or something.” You nodded, figuring that you should probably let him catch up on his sleep. It was early and you’d get to Jeju a little after one o’clock. If the three of you were going to do anything fun, he’d need to save his energy. 

As you walked to the toast stall you passed earlier, you said, “So what did you have planned for us?”

“Well, I was thinking today since we’re getting there a little later, we could take it easy and explore the city a little. There was a teahouse I wanted to visit. Then we can relax a little and get dinner together. How does that sound?”

“It sounds good...and thank you for planning all of this.”

“Anything for you,” he said.

You arrived at the toast stall and ordered toast for the three of you. Jun was surprised that you knew exactly what he would want and Chan, too. He loved that about you—you paid close attention to details. Even when he thought you weren’t listening or paying attention, you were. He loved you so much and he wished that this trip could be for just the two of you, but he also remembered that he signed up for this. He was the one that agreed to this and, while he had the right to change his mind, he didn’t want to lose you. He figured that this was better than nothing and he wanted to keep you in his life in whatever way he could. 

When you got back to the gate, Chan was awake and playing a game on his phone. He smiled upon seeing you walking toward him. 

“We got breakfast,” you said, handing him his bag. “Toast with extra egg.”

He smiled. “You’re amazing, you know that...”

“I would’ve ordered you extra egg, too,” mumbled Jun as he sat down in his seat next to you. 

The three of you just laughed. You were grateful. Maybe things were looking up for the relationship. There wasn’t as much tension between Jun and Chan today. You didn’t know if it was because they’d both matured a lot within the last couple weeks or if it was just because it was early in the morning. Either way, you were grateful and you hoped that the rest of the trip would go this smoothly.

Before you knew it, it was time to board. As the three of you inched along in the aisle, Jun turned to you and said, “Okay. Row twenty-one is right there.”

You said, “Why don’t you and Chan sit together? You could get to know each other a little better. I don’t mind sitting by myself. I can just sit where Chan was going to sit.”

Jun started, “B-”

Chan smiled. “Yeah, we should get to know each other better.”

Jun wasn’t thrilled to be sitting next to Chan on the flight but thankfully it was only for about an hour. But over the course of the hour, things weren’t bad. There would probably always be at least a little tension between the two of them, since the relationship started out in a strange way. But things were actually okay.

Chan carried the conversation, at first. He asked Jun about the kinds of music he liked and then they talked about their families and some childhood memories and Chan told him about his life growing up in Jeju on a tangerine farm. Jun was almost surprised at how down to earth he was. He wasn’t snobby or any of the things that he’d assumed about him. He almost felt bad for thinking those things about him. The reality was that Chan was a good guy and he could see why you liked him in the first place. 

Chan said, “I told my mom that I was coming for the weekend. I was thinking that maybe tomorrow, if we have time, we could have dinner with my family.”

Jun nodded. “By chance, do they know...about us?”

Chan paused. To be honest, he’d only told his friends about the true relationship they were in. Of course, he’d told his parents that you were back together with him but he hadn’t told them that you were also dating Jun. How could he tell his parents something like that? They definitely wouldn’t approve and he had no idea how complicated it would be for them to understand something that was so complicated in itself. 

“Not exactly,” he answered.

Jun knew what that meant before Chan needed to explain further. Jun knew that he wouldn’t be able to go to have dinner with Chan’s family as your boyfriend. In this situation, Chan would be your boyfriend and Jun would be stuck playing the role of a friend, whether it was your friend or Chan’s. Either way, it was like playing pretend.

Jun had no right to feel upset by it because he was in the same predicament with his own family. They knew that you’d hit a rough patch and got back together, but they had no idea that you’d picked up an additional partner on the way back to each other. He hadn’t even told his older sister despite the fact that they were pretty close. 

Was this something to be ashamed of? Would this be something that could ever be accepted? Even though no one was exactly lying, there was a lot of information being withheld. Jun had no idea how the three of you could keep this up. For how much longer, realistically, could you keep it up?

*

You pushed open the hotel room door, exhausted from the walk you’d gone on. You got to see the surrounding areas near your hotel and went to the teahouse that Jun wanted to go to, trying and even buying some of the teas. And Chan showed you some of the places he liked to go as a kid. And you had some street foods and tried fresh grilled mackerel, which Jun enjoyed so much he got seconds. It had been a while since Chan had been able to come to Jeju and he had never gone with you before; you had broken up with him before he had the chance to bring you to his hometown. You watched him as his eyes lit up, picking up memories from his childhood.

So far, you liked Jeju a lot and the scenery was so beautiful and you got a lot of pictures. From what you could tell, Jun had a good time too. And he took a bunch of pictures with his new camera. And your boyfriends were also cordial in taking separate pictures with you, too. And then you asked a kind stranger to take pictures of the three of you, together. 

“I’m exhausted,” Jun said, plopping down on the couch.

“That was fun,” you said, putting down your purse. “Thanks for showing us around, Chan.”

“Of course,” he said. 

“I made a reservation at the steakhouse for seven. We have about two and a half hours until then,” he said.

You nodded. “Yeah, we can just hang out around here for a while.” 

Chan said, “I could use a warm cup of tea,” poking around the kitchenette. There were two packets of instant coffee and two tea bags, clearly not enough for the three of you. “Actually, I’ll go to the cafe downstairs. Y/N? Jun? Do you want something?”

Jun said, “Can you get me a matcha latte?”

You said, “Me too.”

Chan nodded and grabbed a key card. “Be back in a couple minutes.”

As Jun heard the door shut, he was relieved. Finally, he’d have a moment alone with you. You smiled before he had a chance to say anything and you sat next to him on the couch before he had a chance to call you over. He sat up, pulling you into his arms. You snuggled into his shoulder. You said, “Thank you for planning this trip. I can’t wait to get cute for dinner.”

“You always look cute, my love. Which dress did you bring?”

“I got this long sleeved black one,” you said. “I’d gotten it awhile ago but didn’t have a chance to wear it.”

“I’m sure you’ll look great,” he said, planting a kiss on your lips.

You stood up. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom…”

A few minutes later, Chan returned with the drinks. Jun was fast asleep on the couch, his legs sprawled out and his mouth slightly open. He heard water running in the bathroom and assumed that you were in there. He set Jun’s drink on the coffee table next to the couch, assuming he’d probably wake up in a few minutes. 

When you came out, Chan was sitting on the bed sipping on his tea. You sat next to him and he handed you your drink. “Thanks, baby.”

“No problem. Jun must be really tired, huh?”

You rested your head on Chan’s shoulder with a yawn. “Yeah. The first day of vacation always seems to be the hardest.” You glanced up at him. “Are you okay?”

He looked down at you, meeting your eyes. “Of course. I’m here with you.”

*

Jun’s eyes fluttered open about a half hour later. The room was darker than he remembered and as he glanced over to the window. The setting sun peeked through, shining on you and Chan asleep in the bed together. His heart dropped at the sight and jealousy pumped through his veins. 

He looked at the matcha latte, grabbing it and taking a sip. He was so annoyed he didn’t know what to do. What he really wanted to do was go over there, drag Chan out of the bed and possibly punch him in his stupid face. But this was his own fault. He had opened the door that allowed him to come on this trip with you anyway. He should’ve put his foot down when he had the chance. He’d just wanted the trip to be for the two of you and he didn’t have a problem with Chan doing the same in the future.

Was this selfish of him? Was this something he’d have to deal with for the duration of this relationship? Would the pangs of jealousy and frustration go away?

Matcha latte in hand, he decided to take a walk so that he could calm down a little. He knew that his anger and frustration would only boil over and spill into the relationship. The last thing he wanted was to upset you and especially not on a trip that was supposed to be relaxing for everyone. Although Jun felt anything but relaxed so far.

He went outside and started walking around aimlessly, no clear destination in sight. He just needed some air. He needed some time to himself, just to take a few deep breaths. 

Eventually, he started feeling more and more anxious as he walked back toward the hotel a few minutes later. His mind raced with irrational thoughts of the two of you in bed together. What if you were having sex right now, making a mess on the bed that the three of you were supposed to share tonight. 

He took out his phone, hoping that Taesik was free to talk for a few minutes. The phone rang four times before he answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, how’s day one of vacation?”

“He’s all over her! How am I third wheeling on a trip that I planned?”

“Who are you more upset at, Jun?”

Jun sucked his teeth. He didn’t need his friend on the other end of the phone call being reasonable. He let out a sigh. “I don’t know...I just know that they fell asleep in the bed and her head is on his shoulder and he’s holding her hand.”

“I dunno what to say,” said Taesik. “Maybe this was a bad idea…”

Deep down, Jun knew that the three of you had issues that you hadn’t resolved. Jun knew there were issues but he couldn’t pinpoint the exact problems. He wasn’t a professional and neither were you or Chan. The three of you were just struggling through the whole thing. Should you invest in couples’ counseling? Was this normal? Jun hated this concept; he had no idea what was right and what was wrong. Was it normal to feel jealousy in a polyamorous relationship? 

“Yeah,” he said, “maybe we’re not ready for this…” He heard the phone beep on the other end. Pulling his phone away from his ear, he saw that you were calling him. “She’s calling me…”

“Answer her,” said Taesik. “Call me if you need to vent. I hope everything goes okay tonight.”

“Thanks,” he replied. “Talk to you later.”

He clicked over to the other line, answering your call. “Baby, where’d you go?”

“I just got bored and came outside to watch the sunset,” he lied.

“Come back,” you said. “We should start getting ready. Chan is still asleep, so I’ll shower first.”

Jun said, “Okay, I’ll see you in a minute,” and the call was over. He headed upstairs to the hotel room, bracing himself and taking deep breaths to calm himself down. There was no reason for him to be angry. He had agreed to this arrangement, after all. He was in a relationship with you but so was Chan. And they needed to find a way to deal with it all.

When he got back, he heard the sink water running. Glancing over at the bed, he saw Chan was still asleep. He knocked on the door and you opened it, still dressed. You hadn’t gotten in the shower yet; he caught you just as you were washing your face. Finally, even if it was in the bathroom, he could have a moment alone with you. He stood behind you as you pat your face dry with the towel. 

“How was your walk?”

Jun nodded, wrapping his hands around your waist. “It was good. I’m better now that I’m back here with you,” he said, kissing your neck. “Mind if I join you in the shower?”

You raised your eyebrows at the suggestion and it also made you excited. “Yeah, why not?”

Jun watched as you peeled your clothes off slowly, teasing him. He’d be lying if he said his dick wasn’t throbbing in his pants at the sight of you. Taking off his own clothes, he never took his eyes off of you. And when you were completely bare before him, he pulled you closer to him and kissed you, hard. Your tongue found his, your naked bodies pressed together against the glass of the shower door. 

“I love you,” Jun mumbled against your lips. 

“I love you, too,” you answered, planting one last kiss on his lips. You followed Jun into the shower and you didn’t hesitate to start washing him up first. You took care to be gentle with him, turning him on. His lips parted as you massaged his balls and he let out a groan as your hand went up and down his shaft. Now, he was completely hard and his dick was throbbing with desire to bend you over and pound your pussy until you were screaming for more. 

He cursed under his breath as he got under the water and you helped him rinse the soap off of his body. He kissed you again and, as he did, he reached down to your clit. It caught you by surprise, making you gasp. He rubbed it harder and your lips parted with a moan. 

“Quiet, baby,” he whispered. “You don’t want to wake Chan up, do you?” He spun you around so that you were facing away from him, reaching down to rub your clit from the front. With his left hand he covered your mouth and with his right, he rubbed your clit. Jun enjoyed fucking around in the shower, even on a regular day. He loved seeing your wet body and how your pussy would end up like a river, your wetness flowing out and onto his fingers. 

He kept going and you squeezed your legs together as if you were trying to escape. Jun chuckled. “Don’t you want to come, baby?” With that, you parted your legs again, letting the pleasure take over. He felt the vibrations of your moans on his palm, but he held it there anyway. It turned him on to feel you struggling. He took your clit between his thumb and pointer finger, giving it a few light squeezes that drove you crazy. After, he dragged his fingers down your slit. Already, you were so wet. And he knew that it didn’t take you long to come like this.

He could feel you struggling, against his fingers. Your body was starting to twitch and he knew you were dangerously close to your orgasm. 

“Come for me, Y/N,” Jun whispered in your ear. 

Hearing his voice in your ear is what did it for you. You couldn’t take it anymore. You let go, trembling, shivering, and coming all over his fingers. And once you came down from your high, he kissed you once more.

*

“Are you almost ready to go?” Chan asked. His stomach was growling and you’d been prancing around the hotel room in your bra and underwear, scrambling to finish getting ready for the past ten minutes. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, stepping into your dress. “My makeup didn’t come out like I expected...Can you zip me?” Chan nodded as you walked over toward him. He zipped you up quickly, hoping that this was the last thing you had to do before the three of you headed to dinner. Thankfully Jun had pushed the reservation to 7:45 rather than 7:30 because of the chance you might be late.

“Okay, I’m ready,” you said, placing your hands on Jun’s shoulders as he sat on the couch. 

“Okay,” Jun said. “Let’s call a cab.”

Within fifteen minutes you arrived at the restaurant. Luckily, it wasn’t too far away from the hotel. Jun had chosen a nice restaurant because he wanted to treat you to a special dinner. Of course, he had to change the reservation to three people instead. And he’d be sharing dinner with not only you but with Chan too.

You entered the restaurant and your party was seated right away, in a booth. Thankfully it was one of those curved ones so that you didn’t have to choose who to sit next to or for the three of you to squeeze on one side. You sat in the middle, with a boyfriend at either side of you.

“This place is pretty nice,” said Jun, taking off his coat. “I know you don’t like restaurants that are too fancy, so this is a good in between.”

“Yeah,” you said. “This is perfect. I’m paying, by the way.”

“No,” Chan said. “You shouldn’t be the one to pay. I should pay, since there was this last minute change.”

Jun rolled his eyes when no one was looking. Jun had planned on paying and here Chan was being a goody-two shoes. He found himself becoming annoyed, even though he had been trying so hard not to act like this. While you were getting dressed earlier, he tried to push down feelings of jealousy as you walked back and forth from your suitcase to the bathroom half dressed. He tried not to feel jealous because obviously both he and Chan had seen you naked and both he and Chan had sex with you; everything was just separate. 

Jun tried to push down those feelings of jealousy as he looked at the menu for the next few minutes. The waiter came and took everyone’s order. He said, “Wine, anyone?”

“Sure,” Jun answered. “What wines go well with steak?”

Jun was definitely going to need some alcohol in his system if he was going to get through the night without losing his cool. He didn’t mind Chan, in general, but he’d like him much better if he was back in Seoul instead of here with them. 

For the most part, dinner went smoothly. The three of you had some pretty good conversation. Things between Jun and Chan weren’t explosive; neither men took petty jabs at each other and the three of you were able to laugh together. If anything, they were the ones poking fun at you, revealing a few of your embarrassing moments.

Jun chuckled. “Oh my god, did Y/N ever tell you about the first time she got blackout drunk?”

“No,” Chan said, “what happened?”

Jun cleared his throat. “She was at the karaoke bar getting drinks with Na-Ri and their other friends and she asked me to come get her. So, I get there and order more drinks. Next thing I know, we’re leaving and she fell into some garbage bags outside the bar. And when I got her back up again, she fell back down into them.”

As the guys started laughing again, you said, “Stop! That was so embarrassing. Everyone stopped to look and you know what the worst part of it was? There were police officers on duty and they walked by and they laughed! They fucking laughed at me! Can you believe that?”

And both Jun and Chan erupted into laughter. Jun picked up his wine glass, finishing what was left. He’d been the one to finish most of the wine, leaving little for you and Chan. He said, “Oh, did I finish most of it? Should I order another?”

You put your finger on your chin. “Actually...we should go out after this.”

Chan looked up, chewing on a piece of steak. “Where to?” 

“I saw some bars a few doors down. Why don’t we check it out?”

In an ideal world, Chan wouldn’t be here. In an ideal world, it’d just be you and Jun. And in an ideal world Jun would go out with you to the bars knowing that he’d be taking you back to the hotel so that you could make love all night and fall asleep in each others’ arms. But that couldn’t happen tonight and it was frustrating. It’s not that his main goal was to have sex with you but having the option taken from him sucked. He just wanted some privacy and alone time with his girlfriend. But with Chan here, it was impossible and he’d just have to make the best of it. His goal was just for you to be happy and to enjoy yourself.

*

This lounge had a chill vibe. It was a little more upscale than the others in the area but, surprisingly, it wasn’t too crowded considering it was a Friday night. The three of you sat in a booth, complete with velvet couches and a menu perfectly aligned in the center of the table. You picked up the menu, wondering what their drinks were like.

“What are you thinking of getting babe?” asked Chan, looking at the menu with you.

Jun rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.”

You nodded. “Want me to order you something?”

As Jun slid out of the booth, he said, “Yeah. You know what I like.” And with a wink, he was gone. Within five minutes, the drinks were ordered and Jun had come back to the table looking a little stressed out. You noticed because you knew him. There was something bothering him and you were just noticing. You felt a little guilty for not noticing sooner that is, if he’d been feeling stressed out earlier.

As the waiter placed your drinks on the table, you turned to Jun. “You okay?”

He gave you a nod as you slid him his drink. “Of course.” 

A few sips into their drinks, you turned to Chan. “So did you talk to your mom?”

Chan nodded. “Yeah. I told her that I’m here and that I’m staying until Monday since I don’t have class.”

“I want to see her,” you said. “It’s been awhile.”

Chan cleared his throat. “I know. I thought about it and I’m not sure it’s a good idea if the three of us are together…It’s kind of complicated since they don’t know about Jun...”

You pouted, the realization setting in. “Oh…okay. I guess you’re right...”

Chan knew you were disappointed because you hadn’t seen his parents in awhile. He knew they’d be happy to see you and vice versa. Chan looked over at Jun, who seemed more concerned with his drink than the conversation the three of you were supposed to be having right now. Chan was annoyed. He was trying to be considerate of Jun’s feelings, since he was the one who brought up that their families don’t know the nature of the relationship they were in. He was the one who brought it up in the first place and he wasn’t even paying attention. And even worse, Chan was the only one who seemed to notice. Of course, he had no problem with bringing his girlfriend to meet his parents. But he didn’t want to make Jun uncomfortable.

“Jun,” called Chan.

Jun looked up from his drink. “Hm?”

“Y/N seems to really wanna meet my parents. Do you think we could maybe meet them at a restaurant? That way we won’t have to stay for too long…”

Jun wasn’t happy about it. If he was being honest, he wanted to suggest that he take her to dinner and for him to stay at the hotel. He didn’t want to meet Chan’s family as a friend. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be and it wasn’t fair that he had to suffer on his own vacation.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I guess that wouldn’t hurt.” He grit his teeth and tried to convince himself that this was normal. He knew that, at the end of the day, it would be the same if the roles were reversed. If it was Jun’s family here, the scenario would be the same. Chan wouldn’t be able to come in as your boyfriend either. 

But you were smiling. You were happy and Jun supposed that that was more important.

“Okay,” said Chan. “I’ll call them in the morning.”

You turned, looking toward the dance floor. It was mostly empty; You saw one group dancing together. There was hip hop music playing and it was one of your favorite songs. Your body wanted to move. “Let’s dance.” As you scooted off of your seat, you looked at Jun expectantly.

“I’ll join in a minute. I’m just gonna finish this,” he said, pointing to the rest of his drink. In all honesty, Jun was frustrated. To be honest, he didn’t want to be here and he certainly wasn’t in the mood to dance. He watched you dance with Chan and you weren’t even dancing with him in a sexual or suggestive way. You weren’t grinding on him or anything like that but he still felt jealousy coursing through his veins. These feelings seemed unreasonable. Jun had been in this arrangement with you for a couple months now. He knew how things were supposed to be. So why was it that he still felt this ridiculous jealousy, still? Why was it that he couldn’t accept this relationship with you and with Chan? 

With a sigh, he finished your drink in one gulp. But he needed more, especially to deal with the feelings and doubts that crossed his mind. He walked over to the bar, taking a seat at the bar.

“What can I get for you?” asked the female bartender.

“Something strong,” he replied. “How about whiskey? On the rocks.”

She smiled and a moment or two later, returned with his drink. A few sips in, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Jun turned and was faced with the person that he wanted to see the least. The alcohol was starting to hit him now and he was beginning to care less and less. He rolled his eyes and he didn’t care if Chan saw him. And Chan did see but decided to be the bigger person and brush it off.

What pissed him off is that Chan approached him with raised, concerned eyebrows. Glancing back over to the dance floor and table, you were nowhere in sight. He assumed that you must’ve gone to the bathroom. 

“What’s up with you?” 

Jun shrugged his shoulders, indifferent to Chan’s concern. “What does it look like? I’m having a drink, like everyone else here.” He took another sip. From Chan’s point of view, it seemed more like a gulp than anything else. 

Chan looked back at the table and glanced at you. “Why don’t you come drink it at the table...with us? Y/N’s in the bathroom but she’ll be back in a second.”

Jun sighed, swirling the ice around in his glass. “I’m just having a good time over here. I’m enjoying the vibes and the scenery. I can’t even do that?” 

Chan looked at the now empty glass Jun had in his hand. He scoffed as Jun ordered another. “Never mind…”

“Do you have a problem with me?”

“No,” said Chan. “If you weren’t in the mood to dance, I get it. But I don’t understand why you left the table to come over here and down a whole drink in two minutes...”

“It’s been a while since I’ve had a good glass of whiskey. You should try it. Don’t be so uptight.”

With that, Jun placed his new glass in Chan’s hands. “Here, have some.” Jun cleared his throat. “Can I ask you something?”

Chan raised his eyebrows, curious at the direction the conversation was going.“What?”

“Don’t you get jealous?”

“Sometimes...but I try not to let it get the best of me.”

Jun pouted. “You’re her favorite.”

Chan couldn’t believe his ears. Was Jun serious? Was he actually saying these words in all seriousness? “Are you fucking kidding, Junhee? She literally left me for you. What we had was perfect and she left me and went running back to you! Did you forget about that or do you have a selective memory? You're the favorite here!”

Jun pouted. “It just seems like she always gravitates to you...”

“All night she’s been checking on you and wondering if you’re okay. In fact, I haven’t even been able to enjoy myself tonight because she’s been so concerned about you and your shitty mood!”

“She would do the same for you because that’s how she is…”

Chan ignored him. “Why are you so insecure? Can't you see that she's been concerned about you this whole time?”

“I wanted to take this trip and make it special just for the two of us and you just had to come and mess it all up!”

“Stop yelling.”

“I’m not yelling!”

“Well you’re clearly upset with me. Honestly, if you wanted your own time why did you let me come? Why lie to her and act like you're okay with me showing up if that's not true? Were you just trying to make her happy?” he asked. 

“Of course I was trying to make her happy. I’m always trying to make her happy…”

“And you thought you’d make her happy by lying to her and leading her on? Looks like you’re doing a great job.” Chan couldn’t help but to let out a deep sigh. “You know, I thought you agreed to this because you thought it would be good for the three of us. I thought you were finally coming to accept things and make this work. I thought we were finally getting somewhere. But now I see I was wrong...”

Chan would be lying if he said he wasn’t hurt. He thought that maybe he and Jun could be friends. He thought that after the plane ride and the conversation they’d had that they’d finally be able to get along, not only for your sake but because they genuinely wanted to. But it was becoming more and more clear that Chan was dreaming and he needed to wake up from this dream.

Wake up, Yuchan...

*

Tagged: @hxnsoliee

[cancerbiophd]

Hey, I am rotating in a cancer bio lab, this will be my third one. The first two worked around my class schedule very well, but for the first semester, these classes are everything. In my third rotation, my PI expects a lot of me in the short time I'm there, and I am working 6-10 hours there every day. This leaves me almost no time to study or do classwork. She knows how much work these classes are, because she used to teach it. Any advice to help me have less stress?

Hello Anon! Ahh I totally understand your frustration. I remember how demanding and absolutely time-consuming (and very important, as you mentioned!) those grad school classes were, and how stressful it was to balance all that and lab work. 

It took me a while to answer this because it really is a difficult problem to tackle. A PI demanding a lot from the rotating student at the expense of the students’ grades in class should not be the norm. Most PIs understand that a rotating student isn’t there primarily to generate mountains of usable data; their priority is to get a feel for how they fit with the lab, and vice versa. So I guess what I’m trying to say: you’re doing amazing, and your PI shouldn’t be treating you this way. 

But I think I’ve thought of a few things you could try (which does not encompass every route you could take), and you can see which one you’re most comfortable doing, or if they give you any other ideas to try. 

The first question you’ll need to ask yourself is whether there’s a chance you’ll want to select this lab as your dissertation lab. I think this is a very important decision, because if you do want to stay, you’ll have to consider options that are more long-term. In other words, staying in this lab may require more energy on your part in finding a schedule that works for both your grades, your research, and your life outside of the lab if your PI appears to have less emphasis on work-class-life-balance. 

If you know you won’t be continuing on in this lab after your rotation is done, you only have to work with a short-term solution. By no means do I mean slack off or not do your research or make a bad impression, of course--but it’ll be more like a sprint than a marathon. 

Once you’ve decided that, here are some options to consider:

Work with your PI to set goals together. Sometimes PIs are super far-removed from classes (even if they teach them) because time makes us all forget the finer details, like how much work it actually takes to study for an exam! And some may just not understand that just because they have photographic memory and never needed to study, doesn’t mean everyone else is like them. Therefore it’s important to communicate with your PI about your limitations and boundaries. If your PI tells you do X, Y, and Z by Friday, counter back with: “Due to my course-load, I may not be able to complete all those tasks by the deadline. If that’s the case, which of those 3 should I prioritize my time on?” and/or “I can get X and Y done by Friday, but I will need until next Wednesday to finish Z.” I think these are very professional ways to reach a compromise. 

Ask for more help from other lab members. Seeing how we can’t freeze time or clone ourselves, sometimes the only way to get more done in a limited amount of time is to get more bodies on the task. When I’m new to a group, I will ask the PI/my boss “If I need help with these tasks, who should I go to?” A lab is a team with a common goal, so I hope yours will see that to help one person is to help everyone. Going off of the first example, you can respond, “Sure, I can get X, Y, and Z done by Friday, but I will need help. Is there anyone in the lab who can help me with ____?” (And if the answer is “no”, that’s something to consider when deciding which lab to ultimately join.)

Say no to any new tasks until you’ve finished your current ones. In lab you can say something like, “I would like to first finish these experiments before moving on. Can we table this until next week?” or “Ok I’ll put this on my to-do list, but I don’t have time for it this week.” or simply a “I don’t have the time to do this.” This also applies to stuff outside of lab as well, like any extra-curriculars or social events. I also think this is a good skill/habit to have throughout one’s life too, but especially in grad school where PIs are just constantly sprouting out new project ideas without any consideration as to how to pause time so we can do it all.

Ask for extensions for lab tasks when you need it. It’s ok to ask for a few more days. Time in academic research can work differently--milestones tend to move a lot slower, and a difference of a few days hardly makes a huge impact down the line. So unless it’s a hard deadline (like data for a grant submission), it’s ok to let your PI know “Hey, I’m working as hard as I can on this, but I did not anticipate some of the set-backs so I’ll need until ____ to get the data to you.” 

Multitask (but smartly). Do you have small but recurring “downtime” during your experiments that you can use for studying? When I ran Western blots, I would have five 5-min washes throughout the day, and that was 25 min of time I sometimes spent reading for class, or even doing small tasks like catching up on emails. Definitely use those natural “breaks” in lab to your advantage if you’re able. 

Block off more time before and after classes to spend away from the lab. Since you have to leave for class anyway, you can try to squeeze more out of it. Maybe like, leave lab 30 min earlier for class, then come back to the lab 30 min later--that’s 1 full hour! If people in lab (ie. your PI) pry, just tell them you like to give yourself the opportunity to meet with the professors before/after class if necessary (not a lie, because it could be true!). Or you can set up a legit mini-study-session with classmates during those times to review materials before/after class. If 30 min is too long, even 15 min before and after is a good chunk of time. 

Ask for advice from someone who’s had experience with situations like these. This includes other grad students (the ones already in this current lab would be a good place to start, as they’ve surely been-there-done-that) and your program advisor/coordinator who’s had years of experience mediating these conflicts. It may not stop your PI from being demanding, but they could give you pointers on how best to handle it. 

And with the time you do have to study, be sure to be as efficient as possible. I know you’re already doing the best you can, but if there are any aspects of your study routine you think could be improved upon, now’s a good time to implement those changes. There are many ways to do this, including study groups, seeking additional resources like educational videos and help from professors/TAs, etc. Work smart, not hard, right?

My last bit of advice is: Make your grades in those classes your priority over the lab rotation. Some, if not all, programs have very strict rules on grades lower than B’s, and it could jeopardize your chances of remaining in the program. Here’s another way to look at it: you can choose to not stay in your current rotational lab, and perhaps even have minimal contact with that PI for the rest of your grad school career; but you can not choose to not have a grade affect your academic records and/or place in the program. 

Good luck anon. I hope this helped a bit and it all goes well for you!

If anyone else has ever experienced something similar in grad school and have any additional advice, please feel free to help reply to/reblog this post! Thanks!

[writers-block246]

Bucky Barnes x Reader Fanfiction - The Light Amidst My Darkness

Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Warning: Mentions of mental illness. I tried to present Bucky’s challenges as accurately as possible. However, if anyone has some suggestions as to better portray his illness and resulting therapy, please lmk! (I researched to depict his struggle with mental illness and the type of therapy he would recieve as accurately as I could). Curse words are also included.

Notes: Italics are thoughts and emphasis. Set before Infinity War and Endgame. Slow burn.

——————————————————————————

Chapter 1:

Your heels clicked on the cold marble tile as you strode towards your office. You unconsciously took a sharp turn down one of the compound’s hallways, caught up in your own little world. Thoughts swam in your head as you tried to make sense of the day’s tasks. I have a session with Wanda at 9:30, a meeting with my boss at 11, another session at 3. Did I mention lunch? What am I doing for that? A salad? A burge-

Your thoughts were interrupted by a cacophony of sounds floating down to you from the second floor’s overhang. Reflexively, your head shot up to determine the source of the ruckus. Almost immediately, your eyes met with cold icy blue ones. The Winter Soldier. Or the White Wolf, whatever they were calling him these days. Throughout the past few weeks, you had only come across the man (super soldier?) a few times. But now, in the middle of the hallway, his stare had stopped you right in your tracks. Suddenly, you recalled the details on his file. You had been given the information, which you had placed with the rest of the teams’s files, when he first officially joined the team and came to stay at the tower. Credited with over 100 assassinations of government officials, ranging across various countries. Charged with multiple war crimes. Cybernetic left arm. Enhanced abilities, including superhuman strength. Russian spy skilled in hand-to-hand combat and the use of many weapons. Simply put, the man was deadly. A shiver ran through you, images of the acts he had committed flitted through your mind. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of trepidation toward him. Enough in fact, to make you want to exit the area as quickly as possible.

You caught yourself. It wasn’t professional for you, a psychotherapist, to let emotions take over your rationale. Nor should you make judgments without having even truly met the man. Not to mention, Steve Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America, had defended James Barnes multiple times. And if there was anyone you trusted completely, it was the Captain. So, you would trust his judgement of character here. Steeling yourself under the assassin’s intense gaze, you nodded to him and continued on your way to your office.

As you walked along, you thought about all James Buchanan Barnes had went through. Flung from a train, captured by Hydra, and brainwashed to become the exact thing he had fought against. You wondered what it felt like to be at someone’s mercy with the mere utterance of a few words. Forced to commit deeds you never would on your own, awakening to the aftermath. Even worse, you thought, to be pitted against your closest friend, facing off from different parts of the battlefield. To be a twisted version of what made Captain America so great.

You decided to cut Mr. Barnes some slack. He had been through enough.

With that final thought, you stepped into your office.

Wanda Maximoff sat in her usual chair, patiently awaiting your arrival. Upon hearing you enter, she looked up from her phone and gave you a smile. “Heya, Doc.”

You couldn’t help but grin in response. “Hello, Wanda. How are you today?”

And with that, your first session of the day began. However, your mind kept wandering to those piercing blue eyes. You couldn’t deny that the soldier was handsome, incredibly so, actually. Tall, strongly built, and with those pretty blue eyes and dark hair. No matter how many times you tried to prevent your mind from replaying the scene in the hallway, you still found yourself getting distracted.

Wanda seemed to notice. “Are you okay Y/N? You seem a little off today?”

Shaking your head a little to relieve yourself of those distracting thoughts, you replied: “I’m fine, Wanda. I appreciate you asking, though.”

Its not like me to get distracted, especially during my job.

“Of course. We are friends, you know.”

You chuckled. “I know. But right now, I’m your therapist. So keep talking.”

“If I do, will you listen this time?” She said with a smirk.

You decided to ignore that comment. “So how would you describe your state of mind these past few days?”

Wanda gave a slight laugh, knowing what you were doing. However, she cut you a break and continued your conversation.

The minutes passed by with little to no thought of James Barnes, and soon, your therapy session had ended.

“Alright, that’s it. I’ll see you again at 3pm Thursday.”

She smiled. “Sounds good, Doc.”

You said your goodbyes as you walked her to the door of your office. Once she left, you sighed and sat down at your desk. You checked the clock: 10:42. You groaned. Eighteen minutes until your meeting. While contemplating the advantages and disadvantages of faking an illness (the flu? Chicken pox? The plague?), a notification popped up on your phone. Checking it, you realized it was an email from your boss:

Good Morning, Y/N!

I just wanted to let you know that our meeting has been cancelled. Director Fury said he needs to speak with you. 11 sharp.

Have a good day!

-Katherine Newman

Dread settled in the pit of your stomach. What could Fury want with me? You hardly ever spoke with the Director unless it had to do with one of your clients. Was this it? Am I getting fired? Is this because of me zoning out today? Did Wanda say something to him? No, no she would never sell me out like that.

You tried to calm your racing nerves. You were overreacting, you knew, but Fury had a way of intimidating people. Unclenching your fists, you swallowed and checked the clock once more: 10:45. 15 minutes. 15 minutes until you had to see Fury face to face.

15 minutes to make yourself presentable and cross the entire tower.

Shit!

Grabbing your things quickly, you made for the door. Heels clacking loudly against the floor, you began a fast pace toward Fury’s office. There was no way you could be late to a meeting with him of all people. The minutes it took to reach his workplace felt like hours due to your frantic worries. Finally, your eyes met with the name plaque on his door: Nick Fury.

Smoothing down your skirt, you took a deep breath and knocked. A muffled ‘enter’ was your response. Another deep breath and you were opening the door, only to be met with the same icy blue eyes from earlier.

There, sitting in front of Fury’s desk, was the object of your obsession for the past few hours: James Buchanan Barnes. The Winter Soldier.

Once more, you found yourself floored by the man’s intensity. This time, however, it was Fury’s voice that brought you back to the present.

“Have a seat, Miss Y/L/N.”

Only hesitating slightly, you closed the door behind you and headed to the seat next to Bucky. You made sure to not balk when taking the seat next to him, however, as you did not want him to think you feared him.

Once you were settled, Fury cleared his throat. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I had your meeting cancelled today.”

“Yes, sir,” you hesitantly replied.

“I’ve called you here to introduce you to your new patient.”

. . . new . . . patient?

Despite your confused appearance, Fury continued on. “He has to be cleared before he can go on any missions. Your sessions with Mr. Barnes will begin Friday.”

You felt James’s gaze on you. An unnamed feeling spread across your body.

He’s waiting for my reaction, you realized. He wants to see how I’ll respond to having to work with him.

Drawing strength from every professional fiber of your body, you prepared yourself and smiled. “Sounds good to me, Director Fury. Do you have a specific time in mind?”

His response was curt. “2:30pm.”

You smiled again, desperate to hide your nerves. “I’ll schedule it right away, sir.”

“Good.”

Ignoring Fury’s usual bluntness, you turned to James. “I look forward to working with you, Mr. Barnes.”

There was a hint of surprise in his expression, but he schooled himself quickly. Nodding, he turned back to Fury.

You didn’t take offense at his brusque nature. It was commonplace, you knew, for those that struggled with mental illness to behave in a blunt or off-kilter way. Instead, you made a mental note to express happiness at being around him. It would do him good for him to know people can be comfortable, and even look forward to, him being around.

(Even if I’m not totally comfortable).

Fury turned to look at James. “That’s all, Mr. Barnes. Remember your appointment, and I know you are aware of her office’s location.”

Was that . . . a . . . teasing tone of voice?

Even better, you could have sworn a light blush had settled on the soldier’s cheeks.

Nodding once more, James rose and strode out of the room.

Again, you were not put off by his behavior, as you had seen similar conduct from your other patients. Instead, you wondered about the odd exchange between Mr. Barnes and Fury. Am I missing something?

Your gaze settled back on Fury. “Was there a reason you had my meeting cancelled, Director Fury? Not to be disrespectful, but couldn’t you’ve just had me meet you later, sir?”

He chuckled. “Well sure, but that wouldn’t get you out of your meeting would it?”

You laughed, and felt the tension that you hadn’t even realized was still there release from your shoulders.

“It’s much appreciated, Director Fury.”

“No problem. And kid?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Get back to work.”

You scrambled for your things. “Yep, sure thing, sir.”

Headed toward the door, you gave one last look behind you. “Have a good day, sir.”

“Goodbye, kid.”

“Y-yep. Goodbye,” you stuttered.

You stepped out of his office and shut the door behind you. Breathing a sigh of relief, you made your way back to your office.

-Admin Cheyenne

More to come!!

[dreamingabouttaron]

The Assistant Part 3

You stare at your screen and read the message over and over until the words become a jumbled mess in front of your eyes. Did he really just sent that? You come with me. You feel a smile appear on your rosey face. You place your phone on your chest and lay back on the bed and close your eyes as thoughts race around your head. You feel your heart beating against your phone, you look down to see the small movements your phone makes, bouncing up and down.

Suddenly you feel your phone vibrate against your chest indicating an incoming call, you lift it up to see the caller ID. Your thumb swept across the screen as you lifted the device to your ear, a soft “Hello?” escaping your lips.

“I hope I wasn’t too forward.” Your ears are enriched with his husky voice.

“Not at all.” You try to stay calm and collected. “It is my job after all. To look after you and ensure you have everything you need. I can speak to Lindy tomorrow” As much as you wanted to gush with excitement, you knew you had to stay professional. This was, of course, part of your job.

You hear a low muted moan on the other end of the phone; “Look after me, eh?” You imagine Taron sat in bed with a thin white sheet laying perfectly over his bare abdomen. You feel a tingle in the pit of your belly warning you not to step over any boundaries, as tempting as it was.

You talked for what seemed like hours. Talking about your families and your hopes and dreams. Everything just felt so natural. It wasn’t until you felt your phone buzz alerting you that it had 10% battery left that you realised the time.

“My God, it’s almost 3 am.” You exclaimed down the phone as you pulled the phone charger up from the floor plugging your phone in.

“Is it really?”

“I have to be up in a few hours.”

“I’m sorry to have kept you awake. I’ve enjoyed talking to you.”

“Me too. It’s been nice getting to know you Taron.”

“You really should get some sleep. Sleep tight Megan.”

“Goodnight Taron.” And with that you both hung up.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, and then reached down to pull the cool white sheets over your warm body. From the moment you closed your eyes you felt sleep slowly take over your body, drifting you into a peaceful dream.

At precisely 7am you were rudely awoken from your slumber by the high pitched alarm on your phone. You groaned as you rolled over to turn the alarm off. The images of last night came rushing back to you, replaying the way Taron’s voice lulled you into a sense of security.

You finally heave yourself up out of bed, instantly regretting not sleeping as much as you should. You allow your feet to lead you into the bathroom to shower. As the hot water poured over your body you gently caressed the soap into your skin making you wonder what it would feel like to have Taron’s hand brush over your bare skin making a breath catch within your throat. Realising what you were doing, you quickly shut the water and proceed with the rest of your routine.

***

The rest of your day had run as smoothly as possible. Setting up meetings for Lindy and assisting other clients. It was just about home time when your boss called you into her office. As you sat on the chair opposite your boss, you felt the cold material of the chair across your legs making you flinch as you sat down.

“How are you getting on?” Lindy asks.

“I’m loving it. Thank you so much for this opportunity. I promise I won’t let you down.” You assured Lindy. You truly were thankful, ever since you were a child you always knew you wanted to be a part of this industry. You initially tried being in front of the camera but soon realised it wasn’t right for you.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.’ Her smile relaxed you, “I have a big ask, you can say no but one of our clients has been just accepted a role that will require them to be out of the country filming for a few weeks and we usually send someone over as an assistant.” You feel your heart racing knowing what she was going to ask you. “I would like to ask you first, do you think this is something you would like to do? It just basically means ensuring the client is in the right place at the right time.”

“I would love too, may I ask who this would be with?” Hoping it was who you thought it was.

“This would be with Mr Egerton.” You try to hide your smile by looking at your hands in your lap “He’s asked specifically for you. He’s a very important client of ours so please don’t mess this up and let me down.”

Your eyes widen and you shake your head, “No! I promise I won’t!”

“Good. Once everything is in place I let you know. I’ll inform Mr Egerton of your decision. Have a good evening Megan.” And with that you gathered your belongings and wished your boss a goodnight.

Just as you were reaching home you received an email from your boss with all the details you needed. You thought back on your bosses words Don’t mess this up.

***

Later that evening you were tucked up under a blanket on your sofa lost in a book. You saw your phone light up from the coffee table.

Glad to hear you’ll be joining me. What are you doing Friday evening? I’ll buy you a drink to celebrate the beginning of a new team. T.x

You quickly replied - I would like that. Just tell me where and when. I’ll be there M x

As you sent the reply you watched the little bubble of three dots appear at the bottom of your screen. You watched it pop up and disappear several times. You placed your phone back down just as a reply came through.

Send me your address and I’ll pick you up at 7. T. X

You knew from that moment that it was certainly going to be near impossible to keep things professional.

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 5 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Since we’re on a roll and impatient as fuck, we decided to up our posting rate! Hope you enjoy! Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). ���

Last Chapter: Violet gave Trixie a heads-up about Fame’s dislike of the new collection, and moved into her new apartment--where she found some very welcoming neighbors.

This Chapter: All hands on deck as Fame demands a complete reconceptualization of their Spring collection.

***

Fame swept into the office on Monday, all business, barely looking Violet in the eye as she rattled off a waterfall of orders.

Fame pulled off her coat and dropped it, nearly letting it fall on the floor before Violet dove forward to catch it.

“Have you taken care of the messages I left you over the weekend?”

Fame seemed almost frantic, her energy all over the place.

“I’m almost done Miss,” Violet folded her coat over her arm, holding out her hand for Fame’s bag. “I just need to confirm wit-”

“Good.” Fame hung her bag on Violet’s wrist, the weight almost toppling Violet over if it hadn’t been for her hours at the gym. “Have you ordered the new fabrics I talked about?”

Violet nodded. “They are on their wa-”

“And what about my new assistant?”

“Yes-” Violet reached for her desk, a stack of resumes already printed out. “I’m starting the pre-interviews tomorrow-”

“Wonderful.” Fame completely ignored Violet and the papers she was holding out, instead walking towards her office. Violet quickly disposed of Fame’s coat and bag, putting both down on her desk so she could grab Fame’s coffee and the letters for the day before she followed her.

“Remember, only perfection is accepted,” Fame instructed, settling down at her desk.

“Yes, Miss.” Violet handed her the coffee, which Fame took a single sip of before she scrunched her nose and handed it back to Violet.

“I’d like a new latte and a medium fruit salad, no pineapple.”

“Yes Miss.”

“Is that the schedule for the day?”

Violet nodded and handed her the paper.

“Also, before you go. Get Raja up here. I need to discuss the collection. That’s all,” Fame said, turning to her computer.

It wasn’t for a few minutes that Violet realized how serious Fame was about the collection change. She was standing in line at the coffee shop, checking her email, when she saw that Fame had sent one to the entire senior management team.

Subject: URGENT

All hands on deck meeting at 3 pm today to discuss a complete re-conceptualization of our Spring collection. Bring your best ideas, ready to discuss, along with samples and visual aids. Be prepared to work late.  

Violet gulped, forwarding the email to all of the applicable assistants, when another one ticked in.

Subject: Violet - Get me Pearl

***

“This is interesting, try to get a sample of the skirt done ASAP and then spruce up the sketch,” Trixie said.

Trixie had been walking around the busy design floor, checking out what his team had come up with over the weekend. Ever since getting Violet’s text last Friday, he had a sinking feeling in his stomach that Fame was about to bring down a hammer, and so they needed to be prepared with new ideas.

Half of the team was working on changes and additions to their current collection. Half of them were working on entirely new concepts and ideas.

‘Remember guys,’ he’d said before they left on Friday. ‘This is a spaghetti against the wall situation. No bad ideas, time to explore everything. If it’s unique and innovative, that’s a plus. Pull out your passion projects.’

The truth was, Trixie had no idea what to expect. Fame had been silent all weekend, which made him even more nervous. Usually she’d send at least a few texts or emails. Ideas that popped into her head. A doodle on a notepad. Image references. But now, when she was allegedly questioning their whole collection? Nada.

Trixie walked over to where April was draping out an ornate sample dress in multiple shades of blue, telling her to carry on. Then he moved on to Alexis, scrutinizing the sketches on her desk with a critical eye.

“Some of these shapes are interesting, but I need you to redo them with different colors and fabrics,” he told her. “Remember, the color story is apparently the thing she’s most ambivalent about.”

“Got it,” Alexis said with a good-natured sigh, picking up a fresh pad.

“Um, Trixie?” Kandy looked up, a terrified look on her face as she hung up the phone.

“Yes?”

“Raja says to check your emails, don’t panic, and that she’s coming down to fill you in,” Kandy said.

Trixie pulled out his phone, stomach lurching as he read the email from Miss Fame, face going pale.

His worst fear had just come true: they were facing a complete reconceptualization. He looked up, forcing a smile in order to not terrify the design team even more.

“Okay,” he said, attempting to keep his voice light. “New plan...Blu, Jovan, Gia? Forget about the adjustments you were working on. We’re looking for fresh ideas, anything that you think could be a new signature piece. Everyone: the deadline is today at 3 pm.”

A small gasp rippled through the team as they realized how soon that was.

“Three pm?” Blu asked, the Irish designer looking like she might burst into tears.

“Yeah.” Trixie scanned the room again, hating the anxiety that he saw on everyone’s face, which he knew full well was not conducive to innovation. “And try to have fun. Remember, this is fashion, not heart surgery. No one’s gonna die.”  

“We might die,” Jovan muttered under his breath, ripping his current piece out of a sewing machine and tossing it onto the ground.

“It’ll be okay,” Trixie put a hand on Jovan’s shoulder. He was his oddest worker, the wrinkly brain he had coming up with the most beautiful, crazy, intricate ideas when he was left to his own devices. “I promise.” Trixie squeezed, trying to put as much conviction behind his words as he could. “Just do your best.”

***

Pearl had just settled into her chair, ready to see if anything exciting had happened on Twitter while she had been by the design department to give Trixie his lunch.

It wasn’t something she normally did, but Katya had been near heartbroken when she saw that Trixie had forgotten the lunchbox she had made him that morning, and since Pearl was a pretty damn good roommate in her own opinion, she had volunteered to deliver it.

Katya had given her a kiss and a hug as thanks before she hurried out the door, two tote bags and canvas under both arms. If Pearl didn’t love her so much, she’d be almost disgusted with how good of a human being Katya was, spending her summer as a volunteer art teacher at a community center in the Bronx.

Her beating heart was however also the reason that Pearl hadn’t been kicked out of the apartment she shared with her Trixie when he and Katya had started dating, so who was she to complain?

A polite cough came from the door just as Pearl was catching up on Olivier Rousteing’s Instagram. She turned around and came face to face with Violet.

Pearl smiled; it was always a joy to see Violet, the other always a sight for sore eyes with her almost impeccable beauty.

It was always fun to see what Violet would wear, the woman almost vintage in her style.

“Is that Gabbana?”

“Of course it’s Gabbana” Violet smoothed down her skirt, and Pearl smiled. She was the only person who Pearl knew that could wear a button up, and still look like someone begging to get fucked.

“You’re late.”

“Am I?” Pearl smirked. Violet was fun to rile up, but Fame was her favorite, one of her very best days at work happening because she had agitated her boss on purpose.

“Is this about the collection? Trixie told me Fame has officially freaked.”

Violet didn’t say anything, and Pearl almost wanted to roll her eyes.

“I’ll take that silence as a yes.”  

Violet was an annoyingly good assistant, never saying a word against Fame, always holding her tongue even when it would have been more than fair to complain.

“She wants you in her office in 10.”

“So I’m not actually late?” Pearl turned around to her iMac, seeing that the small email icon on her screen was blinking red. “Ah.”

Pearl realized that Violet had just saved her from Fame’s disappointment, but there was no way she was going to let the other know of her gratitude.

It was too early in the game for that.

“Sorry for helping you.” Violet huffed, rolling her eyes. “Here-” Violet put a folder down on Pearl’s desk. “In case you want to actually prepare-”

“Thanks Vivi.”

“Don’t call me that.”

***

“Shit.” Trixie exhaled a groan of frustration as he dumped down in his chair. He had known the email was coming, but it had still felt like a punch to the gut when he’d actually seen it.

Raja had come straight from a meeting with Fame, and Trixie had known it was bad, real bad, when he had seen how Raja’s normally ice cold exterior was chipped.

Trixie sighed, burrowing his head in his hands for a minute. He hated having to push his designers, hated forcing them to deliver in extreme conditions. A few of them thrived on it, Betty always delivering excellent work, while Aiden almost always buckled when he didn’t have time to pay attention to his details.

Trixie reached into his mini-fridge, taking the lunch Pearl had stopped by to drop off for him. It was only 10:30, but he unpacked it anyway. Katya had packed two pieces of carrot cake, a can of diet coke and as Trixie opened the metal container, the lovely smell of Katya’s best mushroom and cheese blinis greeted him.

He opened his drawer, pulling out a fork as he turned his computer on, the promise of carrot cake the only thing getting him through the avalanche of worried emails he knew was waiting for him.

***

Raja heaved a sigh as she stepped off the elevator. She’d been trying to give Trixie a warning about Fame’s current state of mind without causing the EVP of Design to freak out, but couldn’t shake the notion that she’d failed, seeing the crease in his forehead deepen the more she spoke, until she’d finally just left him with a firm pat on the back. She entered her own suite, the rich fabrics and warm colors immediately soothing her, although her relief was short-lived, since Jaida was perched on Ivy’s desk, a stern look on her face.

“I need to talk to you.”

Jaida was the most recent addition to their management team. The bright, resourceful CFO joined them almost two years ago, when Patrick stepped away from the day to day financial management to focus on his own firm. She’d truly been a godsend—immediately understanding the need for creative flexibility in their budgets, and helping to streamline the company’s organization in a way that was incredibly effective even as they grew by leaps and bounds.

But now, Jaida’s beautiful face was about the last one that Raja wanted to see. She was well-aware that Fame’s email had caused mass panic, and Jaida’s mind was probably already spinning in 100 different directions, thinking about how their timelines would now completely change the budget for Fashion Week beyond the normal contingency plan.

Raja gestured to her office, resigned to have this conversation now, and Jaida immediately sailed in, settling on the forest green velvet couch that Raven had picked out. Raja turned to Ivy, requesting some herbal tea, before joining her.

“So, Jaida, what are you brightening my day with?”

“An entire reconceptualization, Raja?”

“I’m aware that-”

“Has she completely lost it? Can’t you talk to her?” Jaida implored.

“Fame has made up her mind.”

“Ughhh!” Jaida’s hand fell into her hands.

“What a mature response-”

Raja was cut off when Shangela burst into the office. One of their longest and most loyal employees, the Director of Operations usually never panicked, taking on every challenge with an almost annoying amount of enthusiastic joy.

It was possible, Raja supposed, that she was extra annoyed by Shangela because of their failed relationship, but she liked to tell herself that that was besides the point.

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!” Shangela exclaimed, taking a seat across from Jaida.

“I was stalking Ms. Gemini here.” Jaida pointed with her thumb.

“Shangela, you’re in my office-” Raja began.

“Listen. I just want to make sure everyone understands the situation at hand. Bendela is already asking to double the staff in the tailoring department through September, and Alyssa says that this is going to potentially triple the budget for the media campaigns, and-”

“I know! It’s a shit show!” Jaida exclaimed.

Raja closed her eyes. Where the fuck was Ivy with her tea?

“I hear your concerns, however, we haven’t even had the creative meeting yet, so don’t you think we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves?”

“But Bendela says-”

“Of course she does, Shangela.” Raja sighed. Shangela was always so dramatic, but she was irritatingly good at her job.

“Bendela’s been requesting to hire more tailors for months now. That doesn’t mean that her estimate is accurate and if she truly sticks to her guns, Trixie just interviewed potential interns. I’m sure some of them can be assigned to tailoring.”

Ivy pushed her way through the door, a tray with coffee and tea for everyone in her hands.

“Right, okay, but what about-”

“We’re going to get through today, listen to what Fame has to say, what ideas everyone comes up with, and then reconvene tomorrow morning,” Raja said, gratefully accepting the tea that Ivy handed over.

“Fine,” Jaida said. “But if I were you, I’d convince Miss Fame that the current collection is brilliant.”

“You don’t think I tried that?” Raja laughed.

“Fair enough,” Jaida replied, finally letting a small giggle escape.

“Another day in paradise,” Shangela added, rising up from the couch.  

[georgiaolivia03]

Oh, we’re back...

I didn’t write over the weekend and I’m ok with that. Not to say that this feels like work but that breaks should be taken once in a while. Also, there was much to do around the house like cleaning, doing laundry, watching anime, reading manga, naps... oh the naps lol. 

That was basically my Saturday. Woke up around noon which I haven’t done in a long time. I, for the most part, wake up naturally around 7 or 8, but Friday night I intentionally took an extra dose of my allergy meds so I could get some steady sleep. I have a bad habit of waking up in the middle of the night for no real reason. After I got up I went right to laundry and cleaning my bedroom and bathroom. While the laundry was still running I read some manga and had some hot coffee which I only offer myself on the weekend because I can take the time to relax and enjoy it. During the week it’s usually iced americano so I can drink it down fast on my way to work. While I didn’t go to the gym or really do any workout videos (I usually follow some on YouTube) I did get quite the workout cleaning. I even broke a sweat, more than I usually get when I go walking. It was probably just from all the hot water in the shower though, steamy... After that I folded all the laundry and watched Black Clover. I love Capt. Yami and Magna, they’re just swell. Luck is my third favorite because of how crazy he is for a fight. 

On Sunday the SO and I had to go to the mall and take care of some things regarding our legal bindings.... Ok, no point in being secretive anymore, I’m married and we went and got new wedding rings. We upgraded significantly to be honest. Maybe I’ll post a pic in a few weeks once mine comes in. We spent an unexpectedly long time there and by the time we were done we kinda just went home and did nothing the rest of the day. Well, SO watched football and I finished folding the rest of the laundry from Saturday and started a watching Demon Slayer. That intro though!! I knew and listened to the intro a ton of times before I actually watched the anime and so far I am not disappointed. I like where the story is going and OF COURSE the villain is so cute!!! I got ISSUES!  But that was pretty much it for Sunday. Mostly uneventful and just meh.

TODAY, Monday. Such a promising beginning. I woke up before my second alarm went off (yes I’m one of those people that set multiple alarms in the morning) and got right into my workout. Managed to get a shower and get dressed in a reasonable about of time and even made my coffee instead of stopping at the demon mermaid chain (you know the one). Made it to work on time (kinda, only a few minutes late) and everything was going smoothly until about 11. Tons of email complaints, systems reset and delayed my work for 20 minutes, needy employees that don’t know how to keep track of their own account information, customer complaints calling in, AND THEN, to top it all off, a MASSIVE accounting error on my predecessors part that I have to fix. Yes, HAVE to fix because I was not able to resolve the issue while I was there today. I have to go in on my day off so that I can take the time (which will probably end up being about 5 hours) to go through all the account info and fix and adjust everything. The annoying part? I know people are going to try to ask me for things and when I tell them that I’m not “here” they’re going to complain and whine like children to my boss. Then, when my boss comes to me, I’m going to have to yell at him and tell him that I’m here on my day off to clean up someone else’s mess and I don’t HAVE to be here but I am CHOOSING to be here to help HIS stupid clusterfuck of a company so that the other people employed here can still have a job. END RANT. 

After I got home I cooked orange chicken and rice and did some singing therapy for over an hour. I talked to some friends on discord and was going to stream some audios with them but not everyone was available so we are saving it for another time. ALSO, I got some new anime gear from a friend on Tiktok and it’s of Shinsou from My Hero Academia!!! I love him so much <3

After all that, we are here, in my den at 10:15pm EST listening to Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap on repeat. It soothes me. What soothes you?

G.O.

[talitaemy]

Adulthood is bittersweet: Quitting my first job

안녕하세요! 恵美です~ 

  Seriously, I'd never guess this would be my first post after the Beauty Fair. I was actually planning on a "long time no see, I survived the Beauty Fair once again" post (which is not a lie, I did survive, I still don't know how, but I did), but like almost everything in my life, something came up and changed my plans, and it made this one of the craziest weeks of my life.

So, on Monday I received a message from one of my sunbaes asking how I was doing, and I replied "fine, what about you?" and I could feel he rolling his eyes when he texted back "no, I meant if you're looking for a job", and I thought "I am looking for a job ever since my 6th month here" (let me stop myself right here, yes, I spent 4 years, FOUR FREAKING YEARS on a job that I didn't like, doing something that made me wake up on Mondays asking myself WHY, anyways), there was a job opening at his company and he wanted to know if I'd be interested, and, what makes me mad at myself is: I know I don't like my job, I want a new job, it's been so hard to find an opportunity, but I was taken aback, I was scared.

Still, I couldn't live like that anymore, so I decided to accept meeting his boss. They asked me to come by on Tuesday and I was like OMG PLS LET ME TALK TO MY THERAPIST FIRST (which was a great idea, 11/10 would recommend, people), and we agreed on Wednesday night after work.

Talking to my therapist first was so good, firstly because I needed that little push, and also she helped me understand that I actually couldn't see my qualities, neither as a pro (and yes, finally I am calling myself a pro), nor as a person, when she asked "okay, let's try it, tell me some of your qualities" and I panicked, I couldn't tell her, because I couldn't see it. People who worked with me before, told me that, somehow, they at this company make us think we're not good enough (as if this wasn't the millennial problem yall, we all need hugs, WE ARE ENOUGH), and I couldn't believe her, but then I saw it, and this week's session was on "being me is enough", all the other interviews I went I tried to be "the perfect candidate for the job" but I didn't believe I was the perfect candidate and this time I had my sunbae believing in me.

And, surprisingly (to me), they liked me, the person who interviewed me asked me to start on Monday. MONDAY. We were on Wednesday, which meant that I had TWO BUSINESS DAYS TO TIDY EVERYTHING. One small part of me was scared and may thought "let's just stay how we are" but a (now/recently) bigger part said "FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, TAKE THIS JOB" and I did it, I spent all Thursday trading emails with HR and an accountant, arranging documents and my stomach was on the edge, and today (Friday) everything got solved (well, almost, because my now past bosses didn't talk to me, neither signed my resignation letter, the HR lady said I could go in peace she'd take care of it, but still, C'MON - and I wanted to do the Korean/Japanese drama scene, where I take the resignation letter to my boss, but he wasn't in the office the whole week =3= but okay).

Saying my goodbyes was okay, it still didn't hit me, and I don't know how it will, the only thing that really hit me was parting with my work-bestie, I couldn't even look him in the eyes, I know he was happy for me, I saw the smile on his face when I showed him my resignation letter, but I don't know how I will deal with work without him. (yup, I cried)

Furthermore, after I got home I started feeling nostalgic, this was my very first job after college, my first "real-world experience", everything that I know about the field, I learned there. It was tough, exhausting, sad, but at the same time, I had some good moments, I met good people (and some not-so-good, but ANYWAYS). And I got to hug some coworkers and they told me "you're a great pro" and "you are an amazing person" and "you can do whatever you want that I know you will succeed" and DAMN IT YOU ALL STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY.

But, since my internship I saw myself as the "baby" of the office, because back then I was the baby, I never saw myself as a pro because I still thought I was the baby, a kid, someone who couldn't do better because it was still "a baby" (although, I was doing it), and weirdly enough on my very last day I realized that, no, I'm not a baby anymore, I trained people even before I graduated from my internship at the publisher, I did campaigns by myself, I created things from the scratch, it's still weird for me, but I am a pro, and apparently I am good at this.

I know this may sound a little weird, but I think that's how Impostor Syndrome works? maybe that was it, always thinking it was just "luck" or that people were being nice to me because I was pitiful, naive or something like that? Anyhow, Monday will literally be a new day, and I will be facing it with a fresh mindset. Let's see how it works out. 

그런, またね♡

PS. probably food-related posts will be back soon (and also some more projects I was sketching while that chaos that is Beauty Fair).

[essaysbyciara]

Thy Neighbor (Chapter 11)

[Chapter 1][Chapter 2][Chapter 3][Chapter 4][Chapter 5 + 6][Chapter 7 + 8][Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] 

Hey, faves! 

Warnings: LIGHTWEIGHT SMUTTY SMUTS in this chapter (I don’t know where on Earth my mind was at the day I wrote this but I’m not mad lol)

As always, hit me if you would like to added to the taglist. And THANK YOU SO MUCH for the messages, comments, likes and reads. You all are the bestest. 

"What can I help you find, Sir…?" The shopkeeper at the most expensive wine cellar in the city saunters up to Trevante, laboring with every step. "The lucky lady loves Riesling?"

Trevante lets out a slight laugh. Especially since neither him or Ciara got lucky.

Trevante and Ciara slept in their own beds that night after their date. After he asked her to come in, Ciara told him no. She even stuck out her tongue after she said it. Playfully cute but slightly annoying.

He started to think it was all a game. That she was in the business of  toying with every man that came her way. There was no way to deny their sexual tension.  And no way to deny that he heard her on the other side of his bedroom wall, releasing the boatland of tension she had inside of her. She had a complete disregard for noise too and he couldn't understand why she'd do all of that when the real thing was right next door. Celibacy was all a front.

He wanted to text her that he heard her but let it go. Trevante already played the scenarios inside of his head of how it would be if he and Ciara had sex with each other, the whens and wheres. Crossfit girl and gym manager girl ran too much. He just knew Ciara could take all of it.

After the coldest shower he could take, Alissa, the Crossfit girl, texted him to apologize for storming off the other day. He texted her back to prove it. She sent an attachment in return. It did enough of a job. He quickly forgot about what he didn’t get from Ciara that night. Alissa followed through.

"How did you know I was shopping for a lady?"

"Just a hunch, that's all. You know her favorite?”

“No, Sir. She just likes Riesling, that’s all I know. It’s a gift.”

“I have the best over here…”

Trevante follows the man to the back of the cellar, the smell of the oak slightly overpowering him as he goes. Scott, his boss, and Yahya, his friend, both recommended this place, their go-to when they need to buy something to make up with misses. Despite no setbacks of that sort, Trevante wanted to thank Ciara for helping him land the Proverbs contract. On that she followed through.

“Vinothek. Austria. 1997. Best.” And the most expensive. As Trevantes tries to pop his eyes back into his head, he receives a text from Y’lan. After agreeing to work with Proverbs, Y’lan and Trevante struck up a conversation, talking about football and life. Since moving back to Philadelphia, Y’lan struggled to find friends,  wanting to separate his play from work. And wanting to control his surroundings enough that he wouldn’t find himself waist deep in some women. So Trevante invited Y’lan out to his Friday night get togethers at Ngosi with Yahya and Michael.

Trevante, just following up. I sent all of the paperwork over to your email. Also I won’t be able to hang out Friday. Last minute event at Proverbs.”

No worries, man. Just let me know.

No doubt. Thanks, man. Do you have the contact from Protestant Placements?

Yep. I’ll text you her name and contact. Just let me reach out to her first so she knows you’ll be reaching out. Her name is Ciara.

Y’lan drops the phone onto his desk. Of course, God, of course. But maybe it’s another Ciara, he thinks. He avoided her like she was the plague but knew he’d have to see her eventually. Deep down he wanted to see her, no way to deny his heart. But did she want to see him? And would there be a way he didn’t have to deal with her at all. He doesn’t have to use Protestant Placements.

Sounds good. Thanks, man.

It wasn’t good.

Ciara wasn’t doing too good herself. As she sat on her living room floor, flipping through a PowerPoint, she couldn’t stop thinking about Trevante. She hadn’t heard from him all day, which felt weird. Ciara started to think that he felt a way about her turning him down. That it confirmed her thoughts that he just did what he had to do to get in bed with her. But then she felt like she gave herself too much credit. It isn’t that deep, she kept reminding herself. Get out of your head.

Her head kept her thinking about how it would have been better for Trevante to get her off that night and not herself. But she feared that having sex with him would introduce expectations and Ciara was prone to run. She wanted to run… and for Trevante to tell her to stop.

She starts to tug on her cotton shorts, shifting her whole self down to the floor. She couldn’t help it. Thinking about Trevante had her on edge. As her right hand creeps between her thighs, she hears a knock at the door. Fuck.

“Trevante. Hey!”

He could tell that he interrupted something important. As for what, he kept it clean.

“My bad for not texting you…”

“No, it’s okay. Come in…”

Ciara watches him walk into her apartment. His suit fit him like a glove. She wanted to rip him out of it.

“I got the placement. Just wanted to say thank you. Here.” Trevante hands Ciara the bottle. She can’t help herself, trying to stop the smile gracing her face. He didn’t have to do all of this, she thought. There are other things he could do, she thought. She brings herself back into reality.

“1997? Well, shit. Thank you, Sir.”

“The least I could do, you know.”

I know.

“You want to pop this thing open?” Ciara says as she walks into her kitchen, Trevante watching her in the most reserved yet intense way.

“I would love to but I have to get to the gym.”

Ciara felt dismissed. Understanding but still hurt. “But I spoke to my connection at Proverbs and they’re super interested in working with your organization for staff.”

“Oh? Yeah, cool. Give them my contact info.” Ciara eyes shift from gratitude to desolation. She didn’t want Tre to leave. But in her mind, he used her for what she had, nothing more or less. 

“Cool. I think he said that they have an event this Friday.”

“Nice. I’ll check them out. Thanks.”

Ciara starts to shift Trevante’s body toward the door which felt awkward to him. He felt like she wanted him to leave, like there was no need for him anymore. Even in that space, he felt like she was letting go. He hated it. 

“Cool, cool. Uh, I’ll get going but what about dinner when I get back from the gym. My place. Bring your bottle if you don’t dust it first.”

“First of all…” Ciara slightly laughing through the glee finally coursing through her veins “...I got some restraint.”

“You do. I learned.” Ciara’s head shoots back, slightly bewildered. She knew a shot when it hit her. Trevante has a smart-ass mouth and she’s likes it.

“Bye, Trevante. I’ll see you later.”

Trevante walks out of her apartment and Ciara walks straight into her bedroom. She bought some new batteries for a reason.  

taglist: @blackpinup22 @voyagetoadinas9

[poedameronloverx]

Close To Home

Life In Lockdown Masterlist

Pairing - Poe Dameron x F! Solo Reader

Warnings - Massive amounts of Covid talk in this chapter as it starts to effect our lovely little squad, so if that upsets you please don’t read, I don’t want anyone to be triggered or upset by this content <3

Month 2 – April 2020

As the weeks went on, you found yourself getting more and more used to remote working. Your boss had made a lunch time finish on a Friday a weekly thing and you were grateful for it. Poe was getting every Friday off, and Rose got to finish at 3pm on a Friday. You and Poe were working round each other better, you’d gotten used to his singing and he got used to you getting up to wander round the room and stretch every hour or so. The novelty of having people around all day had worn off for BeeBee, he would choose to spend an entire day with either Poe or you and lie by your feet for the day. Rose’s idea of doing something each evening had stuck and you had set up a weekly plan of things to do. Movie nights became a Friday night tradition. Rose had ordered relaxation colouring books for each of you and that became your Monday night routine. There was a YouTube marathon on Tuesdays, you’d all found a series to binge together on Wednesdays and you played board games on Thursdays. Poe was teaching you to cook, you could make basic things but he was much better than you were and you’d asked him to help you learn. Rose loved teasing your about how cute you both looked and how domestic it was. Things were still strange but everyone was getting used to it.

Rose and Finn occasionally took walks after work, just the two of them. Poe had just arrived back home with BeeBee. He wandered into the living room and found you sitting on the sofa crying your eyes out. He was by your side in an instant, pulling you into his arms and rubbing your back.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“My dad” you sobbed “He has the virus; he’s in the hospital on a ventilator”

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry!” he pulled you tighter “He’ll be fine, I’ve never met a man as strong and stubborn as Han Solo!”

“Mum said he’s really ill, she’s not even allowed to go and see him”

“It’s not fair”

“I just want to go and see mum and hug her”

“I know sweetheart, I know”

Poe held you until you eventually cried yourself to sleep. He pulled you onto him, and grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and draped it over you. BeeBee jumped up onto the sofa and lay by your legs. Your body heat and the heat from the blanket lulled Poe to sleep. When Finn and Rose came back a little while later they eyed you suspiciously. The sound of Rose’s keys against the coffee table woke Poe.

“This looks romantic” Finn said

“Far from, I’ve just held her whilst she cried herself to sleep” Poe replied, glaring at his friend

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked

“Han’s got the virus; he’s in hospital on a ventilator”

“Oh my god, when did that happen, is he alright?”

“I don’t really know” Poe shrugged “She was really upset, I only got the basic information from her”

“I’ll phone Leia” Rose replied “To get more information but also to check on her”

Finn nodded “That's a good idea”

“I should text Ben.” Poe said “Then we need to work out what to do here. I don't want to put her to bed before dinner, I know she’s exhausted herself crying but she needs food in her system, as much as she probably won’t want it”

“We can make a start on dinner, wake her when it’s ready and make sure she eats at least a little then she can get some sleep” Finn said

Poe managed to lift you off him enough to move, he laid your head on a pillow and made sure the blanket still covered you. BeeBee got up and moved along the couch so he could snuggle against your stomach. Poe headed to the kitchen and made a start on dinner with Finn’s help. Rose sat on the bottom stair and called Leia. She was on the phone for 10 minutes before joining the guys in the kitchen.

“What did she say?” Finn asked

“He had a few symptoms so they called the doctor yesterday and he was told to go in and get checked out, they didn't want to worry Y/N and Ben so they just kept it between them at that point, the hospital got him tested and obviously he had it so they said he would get kept in overnight but he started to struggle to breathe so they put him on the machine. They don’t know when or if he’ll come back around”

“Oh god” Finn replied

“We just have to take care of her” Rose said “We know how close she is to her parents and not being able to be with them is going to be so hard for her”

“She has us” Poe replied “And we’ll be here for her day and night, no matter what time”

“Absolutely” Rose nodded “I’ll wake her for dinner”

The next week was difficult, you’d asked for some time away from work as you knew you would never be able to concentrate whilst your thoughts were all about your father. He hadn’t been getting better but he also hadn’t gotten any worse, which the doctors said was a really good thing. Poe and Rose had both taken a few days off to make sure someone was with you and helping keep your mind off things. You and Poe were on a walk with BeeBee one afternoon when your phone rang.

“It’s mum” you said to Poe before answering the phone. He gently took hold of your arm and led you over to a wall where you could sit. He could only hear your side of the conversation but the fact you hadn’t burst into tears yet made him feel more positive. “I’ll speak to you later mum, love you. Bye”

“How’s things?”

“Dad came off the ventilator this morning” you replied, happy tears appearing in your eyes “He’s breathing on his own and the doctors are really happy with his progress”

“That’s great news sweetheart. And it’ll be a load off your mind knowing he’s doing okay”

“Yeah, it really is” you replied “Thank you, you’ve helped keep me going this last week or so. I really appreciate it”

“I’m here for you anytime sweetheart” Poe replied

“I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. It's been so scary seeing all the stuff on the news, I guess I just didn't think it would end up so close to home”

Poe held his arms open and you fell into his hug gratefully. Poe gave the best hugs in the entire world. He hugged tightly and it made anyone he hugged feel secure and content.

Easter was very much a non event, the weather wasn't great so you were inside all day. Poe cooked a nice meal for everyone and you sat and watched a lot of TV whilst eating all of the Easter snacks you'd ordered in with the food shop. You were all happy to have a few days off work, Finn had a few weeks off whilst the schools were closed for the spring break. A few days after Easter, your father was released from the hospital. He still wasn't 100% back to his normal self but he was really glad to be back in his own home. You face-timed with him and your mother every day, just to check up on how they were both doing. You knew it wasn't easy on Leia either. She had to take care of Han plus do everything herself at home, whilst trying to work. Finn decided to take up gardening whilst he had free time, he ordered loads of plants and gardening tools online and got to work as soon as they arrived. Your garden had never really been full of plants because you and Rose were always too busy and neither of you were that into gardening. Finn cut down all the bushes, planted loads of flowers and painted the fences. The small fence that separated the patio from the grass was painted a sky blue and all of the surrounding fences were white. Poe helped Finn with the painting, whilst you and Rose cleaned up all the garden furniture. Once you were done, it looked like a whole new garden.

As the month went on, things with everyone's work got quieter. You were no longer working full days, Monday to Wednesday you only worked from 11am until 3pm, Thursday you worked 9am-12pm and Friday was a day off. Rose only had to work Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Poe no longer had to do any work. He was luckily still getting paid but his work just didn't have anything else they could do remotely. They told him to keep checking his work emails just incase anything did come in. It took a while to adjust to all of the free time. Working from home had been strange anyway but only working for part of the time made it even weirder. Finn was still working his normal hours after the school break. Friday became a cooking day. Poe continued to teach you how to make meals, and sometimes the pair of you would bake.

Rose liked to come on walks with BeeBee when she had the spare time, the park was everyone's favourite place to go. It became a lifeline to everyone. The stay at home order still said you were only able to go out once a day for some exercise. You all began to look forward to walk time so you could get to your park. You could walk all the way round it twice before BeeBee got bored. You would always stop at the kiosk and get a coffee or an ice cream, whilst the dog ran after his ball.

“This is his dream” Poe chuckled as he watched Rose throwing the ball “He's getting to spend time with people he loves, he's getting much longer walks than normal and he gets to run after his ball a lot”

You smiled “Animals must be loving this lockdown thing, they get to spend so much time with their humans and don't have to stay home alone all day”

“Bee is loving living with you and Rose. He's always really happy when you guys come to visit us so all of us living together is great for him”

“I'm actually really enjoying it too, I had my reservations at first. Especially when Rose just mentioned Finn moving in. I didn't want to be the third wheel in my own home. And even when she said you were coming too, I wasn't sure we'd all manage to work around each other but thankfully we have and I couldn't be happier to be spending this lockdown with you guys. Especially with how much you helped me when my dad was ill”

“I'm glad we're all together too. It's made things feel so much better knowing that anytime I have a bad day I get to spend it with my best friends. Living with Finn is great but sometimes when him and Rose are all loved up it gets a bit annoying. I mean not that I'm not happy for them because I absolutely am, they're a great couple but yeah”

“No, I totally get that. Being the 3rd wheel isn't easy” you nodded “They're adorable, but sometimes it sucks to be left out so I'm glad we have each other during this lockdown”

“Me too, I think you're the only one that gets what it's like to be 3rd wheel to them” Poe chuckled

The final few days of the month were difficult, Rose fell ill with suspected Covid. She had all of the symptoms but she didn't feel overly ill. Finn moved into the spare room with Poe, he didn't want to get ill whilst he was still so busy with work. You looked after Rose, bringing her food and plenty of fluids to keep her going. You were glad that she didn't have a really bad case of it, but you worried for the rest of you.

So here’s the next part. I hope if you read this far that you enjoyed it and you’re still enjoying the series. Your comments would mean the world to me <3 Have a lovely weekend!

[phroyd]

Scott Beierle, 40, was named by Tallahassee Police as the shooter who opened fire inside the Hot Yoga Tallahassee studio, killing two and injuring four other women and a man.

Those killed were named as Dr. Nancy Van Vessem, 61, who worked at Florida State University’s College of Medicine, and FSU student Maura Binkley, 21.

On a YouTube channel in 2014, Beierle filmed several videos of himself offering extremely racist and misogynistic opinions, in which he called women “sluts” and “whores,” and lamented “the collective treachery” of girls he went to high school with.

“There are whores in — not only every city, not only every town, but every village,” he said, referring to women in interracial relationships, whom he said had betrayed “their blood.”

Officer Damon Miller of the Tallahassee Police Department said he could not tell BuzzFeed News whether women were specifically targeted in the attack or whether these online posts were the subject of detectives’ inquiries.

“Everything that he has a connection to we’re investigating right now,” Miller said.

Police said they were still investigating a motive, but noted Beierle had previously been investigated for harassing women.

In one video called “Plight of the Adolescent Male,” he named Elliot Rodger, who killed six people and injured 14 and is often seen as a hero for so-called incels, or those who consider themselves “involuntarily celibate.”

“I’d like to send a message now to the adolescent males ... that are in the position, the situation, the disposition of Elliot Rodger, of not getting any, no love, no nothing. This endless wasteland that breeds this longing and this frustration. That was me, certainly, as an adolescent,” he said.

This is the second deadly attack this year in which Rodger has been mentioned by the suspected assailant. A man who wrote anti-women references on his Facebook account allegedly killed 10 people in Toronto in April when he drove his van into a crowd. “The Incel Rebellion has already begun!” Alek Minassian wrote on Facebook prior to the attack in a post that also mentioned “the Supreme Gentleman Elliot Rodger!”

Another of Beierle’s 2014 videos was titled “The Rebirth of my Misogynism,” and featured him listing the names of women — from eighth grade until his time in the Army — whom he said caused his “rebirth.” (A Pentagon spokesperson told BuzzFeed News Beierle served from 2008 to 2010).

In the video he said women were capable of “treachery” and “lying.” He spoke aggressively about women giving him their phone number even when they had a boyfriend, and how angry it made him. He also mentioned a girl who cancelled dates on him. “I could have ripped her head off,” he said.

Unlike the YouTube videos, his songs on Soundcloud were all uploaded in the last few months. Shortly before Friday’s shooting, Beierle uploaded one song called “Fuck ’Em All,” with the lyrics: “To hell with the boss that won’t get off my back / To hell with the girl I can’t get in the sack.”

Another song, called “Nobody’s Type,” featured him lamenting that women didn’t find him attractive. “I’m no athletic shark. I’m not a physical specimen. I don’t win the trophies and medals. Nobody stands in awe of me,” he sang.

In “American Wigger,” he sang that he would “blow off” the head of a woman he referred to using the c-word. The song “Locked in My Basement” featured an extremely disturbing tale of Beierle holding a woman prisoner in his basement using chains so he can rape her.

Other songs were entitled “Who Let the Fags Out?” and “Bring Your Fatwa.”

After this story was published, all the videos were removed from YouTube. “This account has been terminated due to multiple or severe violations of YouTube’s policy on violence,” read a disclaimer on the site.

A YouTube spokesperson told BuzzFeed News the account "only had 3 subscribers and 17 videos uploaded in 2014" and that none of the videos had been previously flagged.

"Because of multiple violations of our community guidelines, the account has now been terminated in line with our three-strikes policy," the spokesperson said in an email.

Soundcloud didn’t immediately respond to requests for comment.

Beierle’s political affiliations were not immediately clear, but he was highly critical of the Obama administration in his 2014 videos. In one video, he said that he resented having to subsidize as a taxpayer “the casual sex lives of slutty girls” through the Affordable Care Act’s contraception provisions. In the same video he also criticized “the invasion of Central American children” in the US that year and said the migrants seeking asylum should be deported on barges.

The Tallahassee shooting comes after a spate of deadly violence from the far right in the past two weeks. On Oct. 27, a far-right extremist shouting anti-Semitic phrases opened fire in a Pittsburgh synagogue, killing 11. That came just three days after a man shot dead two black people in Louisville, Kentucky, in an attack authorities have described as a hate crime.

In a punk song he made called “Don’t Shame,” Beierle sang of walking into a girl’s locker room and going on an “ass-grabbing rampage of underage girls.” He also spoke about grabbing women in the song “Handful of Bare Ass.” TheTallahassee Democrat newspaper reported he had been arrested in 2012 and 2016 for grabbing women’s buttocks without their consent.

In the 2016 incident, Beierle told a young woman who was laying out at the pool of an apartment complex that she had "a nice butt," according to the police report.

"She thanked him and he offered to put sunscreen on it," the police report said. "She told him no thank you, she did not need it."

Beierle then asked her name and said it was nice to meet her. He then "slapped her butt, and grabbed it and then shock [sic] it," the report said.

Prosecutors eventually dropped charges in both cases, according to the newspaper.

“I have no shame, but this is to blame. I would do anything. I just don’t care. I have no fear of any consequences,” Beierle sang in his song.

“I am pro-death,” the song continued. “The more that die the merrier.”

Stephanie K. Baer contributed reporting.

Phroyd

[alexwinfield-blog1]

Digital Footprints: Put YOUR stamp on it.

It’s Monday morning. A new day. Another week of school. You turn off your alarm and head straight over to Twitter. “Monday already !!!!!!! (Crying emoji X10) Can’t w8 to get back into bed”. Your phone pings. It’s Lizzie. Your BFF. She never lets you down. Except not today it seems. “Soz bbe. Sooooo ill. Grab any hw sheets for me plzzzz (blowing kiss emoji) xxxx”. Mum shouts up the stairs “Are you getting up at any point today? The dog needs walking and you need to take your brother to school!” You slam your phone into the duvet, roll your eyes and take a deep breath. You’re annoyed and the day has only just begun. Toast in one hand and dragging your brother out the door by the other, you smile at the postman. “Morning”, you say. Knowing full well he loses your packages ALL THE TIME.  Be nice mum always tells you. Manners cost nothing.

You get to school. The mean girls stare you down as you walk to your English lesson. You try to look cool. You tell yourself that one day they’ll take you in as one of their own, but maybe today just isn’t that day. You find your seat, unpack your books, your pencil case, tucking your phone under your hideous plaid skirt. Silly really. Illuminating skirts aren’t exactly the school uniform market’s latest innovation. You’re top of your class. You know you shouldn’t be scrolling through Instagram in a lesson, but everyone else does, and you for sure don’t want to stick out any more than what you already do. You get A’s in nearly every assignment and you compete in nearly every extra-curriculum sport in the school, but you can’t help but fantasise about that Instagram #gymbod. Your parents are immensely proud, and your teachers? You can’t do enough to please them. You love school. Never too shy to raise your hand in class, never too eager to stand in front of the WHOLE of year 11 to deliver a speech about the school’s litter policy, and never too embarrassed to admit to your friends that you’ve not even kissed a boy.

It’s lunchtime. You and your best friends of 12 years gather around the canteen table.They tell you about their exciting weekends. How their heart throb boyfriends distracted them from getting any work done. How they got ridiculously drunk at a family party and how their mum grounded them for coming home at 10:33 – 3 minutes later than expected. And you? You just listen. For the most part, you spend your break and lunch times talking in the hockey team WhatsApp group chat. They’re a laugh. Sometimes you tell the girls about your boring weekend, or even fluff it up slightly by telling them you actually got out of your pyjamas. They would never believe you. You’re well and truly the plain Jane out of the bunch. The new boy in your year asks if the seat next to you is taken. The girls think he’s a nerd but you think he’s quite cute. You say no. The girls sigh as if to say “you’re such a loser”, but you don’t care. You have to pretend you don’t know his name, that you don’t have an unhealthy obsession with checking his Facebook. You know his cat goes by the name of Clive, but you pretend you don’t know that. You know he plays for the local rugby team, but you’re not supposed to know that either. You don’t know that his birthday is the 6th of June, and most importantly, you must NOT show any bitterness towards his girlfriend of 3 years.

Home time at last. You’re loosening your tie as you get closer to the front door, eager to jump straight back into bed. PING. It’s the girls group chat. “House (girl dancing emoji) Sat nite. 8.30. B there or b (square emoji)”. NOOO. You promised mum you’d have a film night with her. Saturday night rolls around. You’ve been plotting all week how you could get away with this one, but she’s a mum. They find out everything. Not this time. You divert from the party situation. It’s now a revision sleepover situation with the girls. You ask to go and of course you’re allowed. School first, partying second. It’s 10pm. You’re having the best time but you assured mum updates on the revision sesh. So, as promised, you load up Instagram stories. On your second Instagram account, obviously. By second, you mean the only Instagram account your mum thinks exists, right? You locate the photo album named “revision”. You browse this until you find the most colourful, most mind-map-ful, most hard working-esque photo you can find. And voila! A little later, in comes a text from mum. “Wonderful stuff. Looks like you’re really working hard. See you in the morning :)” . Little does she know, over on what might as well scream @yourerliar101, several stories and photos were posted of your amazing night with your besties. In the morning it seems the party was a huge success. Tweets and Instagrams raving about the night – “Can’t believe Josh taught every1 to do the (worm emoji) (cry laughing emoji)”. “Had the best nite EVAAAAAA (tongue out emoji)”. “Me and the gals last night!!!!!!! (cocktail emoji) (heart eye emoji) #lovethem”.

Sound familiar? Well, this may not be too dissimilar to a day in the life of your late teenage years. (Millennials, this one is for you!) Through this artificial account, we learn that in just 24 hours, you are likely to perform a variety of different roles. You’re a reliable friend and a caring sibling. You’re also studious, a potential lover and occasionally a liar. But sometimes it’s for the best, right? So, quite literally, how can these personalities become transparent online?

Just like this teenager, the average social media user, whatever you may define this to be, can be traced online. Social media can speak volumes about a person. Not just what they get up to on the weekend, but the finer details. For example, they’re obsession with their house rabbits, how much they can’t stand their boss, and more recently, how they’ve jumped on-board Facebook’s latest bandwagon, “rate my meal”. 

Social media, such as Instagram and Twitter allow me to present the most favourable, or sometimes least favourable, versions of myself.  If you were to rewind to old school Alex on Twitter, you would definitely find tweets containing homophones, such as “u”, with my favourite acronym, still to this day, being “lol” – only used sarcastically of course. As well as this, I was a sucker for, and admittedly still am, a cluster of exaggerated punctuation, but mostly “!!!!!!!”.  Although Crystal (2008) claims that young users of social media, especially in SMS, will use abbreviations such as “GTGMIW” (Got to go, mum is watching), this wasn’t necessarily the case when I was growing up with social media. Nowadays, it’s all about filtering what you put online. This screening allows you to hide your online activity, for example by disguising your wild Friday night shenanigans by deselecting your mum from viewing your Snapchat story. Or, creating a separate Instagram just for your friends’ entertainment. You can be as embarrassing as you like and you won’t have 800 followers judging you.

Goffman (1974) refers to this online social interaction as “audience segregation”. We ultimately filter aspects of our lives from certain people in order to curate and maintain a multitude of personalities depending on the context we are in. So, for me, this means presenting a sensible, family-friendly Alex on Facebook, an interesting and good-humoured Alex on Twitter, and an exciting, adventurous Alex on Instagram. Let’s take a look…

So, 2017 A-Level Results day. Here, we’ve got a definite exaggerated use of punctuation and excitable capitalisation. Not only this, I clearly thought the use of the extreme smiley emoji X2 wasn’t enough, resulting in going the extra mile with a #. What am I doing here? Looking back on this, this for sure could have been Facebook worthy. This could have bagged me a gushing army of comments from overjoyed family members bursting with pride. But why Twitter? My friends would see this. People I know, but don’t really know, would see this. Those 23 likes - those 23 people thought this was worthy of a tweet and that’s all that mattered. In this moment, I. Was. Clever.

Evidently, over the years, I desired to either be desperately funny or desperately embarrassing. You decide this one.

Would I have found any of these tweets to be bland if I weren’t to use homophones? Or exaggerated punctuation? Or hashtags? Were these attempts for me to moan about how busy my life was? Did I want sympathy or just someone to relate to?

Here’s Instagram Alex. Holidaying in the Dominican Republic, Lanzarote and Greece. Eating Wagamamas at least once a week. Being overly obsessed with a French Bulldog, attending fancy-dress parties and the occasional festival. This is what I choose to share online. Not very exciting, but a fairly accurate representation of me. You can guarantee nearly every other caption incorporates an excessive use of emoticons, sarcasm and most definitely a little too much of this “!!!!!”.

What do these linguistic features allow me to achieve?

If I asked a complete stranger to read my Twitter, browse my Facebook and scroll through my Instagram, they would probably argue that my presence across these social media platforms doesn’t really differ that greatly. You could say that for the most part, I present the most authentic version of myself online. I’m not one to shy away from no-make up selfies, or tell the world about how groggy I feel after waking up from that 3- hour nap, or in fact how much I moan about going to my 20 hours a week part-time kitchen job.

However, for some people, this is not the case. Without audience segregation there would be a context collapse. Employees would start saying “lmao” when their boss asks for a coffee. Students would use inappropriate emoticons to sign of their “sorry I can’t make it to the lecture today, I’m ill” email. Parents would text, or even worse, tag you in their FB status announcing “#DINNERISREADY” instead of actually calling you down for dinner, and we definitely don’t want to live in a world full of parents who hashtag EVERYTHING.

So, what can we learn from this?

For both professional and personal matters, it’s important to present yourself online in a way that is consistent. You don’t want people to think you have 25 different personalities. Keep this for the real-life stuff. No one likes a catfish. After all, if 70% of employers screen candidates’ social media before they consider hiring, it’s important to avoid branding yourself as a fool online. Keep those drunken night out videos OFFLINE and maybe consider deleting those 2012 “Like for a rate <3” cringey Facebook statuses. However, don’t go erasing yourself offline completely in fear that you’ll never get a decent job. After all, 47% of employers argue that having an online presence allows them to learn a bit about who they’re hiring. So, be open, but not TOO open. Be YOU. However, if “you” means writing Facebook statuses about how much you love playing Angry Birds at work, or how you’re easily persuaded to go clubbing on a Monday night, maybe it’s best you don’t share the real you online. Be mindful about the digital footprint trail you’re leaving behind. 

References:

Driver, S. (2018, October, 7). Keep It Clean: Social Media Screenings Gain In Popularity. Retrieved from: https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/2377-social-media-hiring.html

Jones, R. H., & Hafner. C. A. (2012). Undersatnding Digital Literacies. London: Routledge.